Family Ocean Vacation, Minus Me!

I have not been as vocal about my family as I have been in the past here on my blog. I suppose that it's because I try not to give the issue more attention than it deserves. I am tired of shedding tears and having sleepless nights because of their blatant disregard for my feelings. During July, I had opened up to my sister in law about the hurt feelings that I currently have and have had over the years. She was great about dismissing most of what I said and did a wonderful job at defending my addict of a sister. Not surprising. Because it was my nieces birthday, she had suggested that I go to their house to visit and spend time together. After all, she thought it was my place to try harder  at "being a part of the family". Trying to be the bigger person, I headed over to their house. Wouldn't you know, that she was a no show. Definitely proved to me how important it was for he to spend time with me and be able to catch up. However, this did not throw me for a loop. I brushed it off as I expected nothing less from her.

What did throw me for a loop, was finding out that just a few weeks later, they would all be going on a family vacation together. To a cabin at the ocean that we have been going to since I was born. As a family, together. Without me. I seriously lack the words to describe how this made  me feel. I have been busting my ass trying to care for my mom and make sure that she is doing ok. Yet, she runs off on vacation? Without telling nor inviting me? Ouch. This is the first time ever that my family has stayed at this cabin without me. I have not been on a vacation in over four years! I would have given anything to be able to sit at the beach for even a day. But yet, my family is there...for a week...enjoying the ocean without me. Great job at making me feel like I belong in this family.

To make matters worse, I got to enjoy seeing photos  throughout the week of their vacation via Instagram from my sister in law. This one in particular is my favorite. I love seeing them have dinner around this table together without me. I have many memories there and this rubbed me wrong in many different ways. Maybe I should print it and hang it above my fireplace?

By the way, I don't even have a fireplace.