I Love You Daddy

Spending time with Dad was always fun and exciting. I would go over to his house every other weekend and once during the week. He was retired so we had all the time in the world to do whatever we pleased. His favorite activities were gardening, fishing and drinking beer. I never thought his drinking was ever out of control, but I did realize that he drank more than other Dad's did. He was never violent or anything like that, I just thought it was normal that he drank a lot...I never knew any different. He had a beautiful garden with beds of flowers in every color in scent. We could spend hours outside perfecting our gardening skills and making our dream yard that others would envy. He taught me that you have to be patient and with patience comes beauty. My favorite part was to pick our beautiful creations and put them in a vase for the kitchen table. Fishing was his guilty pleasure. He could fish everyday if he was able! Although I was not fond of the whole fishing experience, I loved spending time with him on the water. I would pile on the sunblock, fill my cooler with crackers and a soda and we would be gone for hours. He bought me my very own pink fishing rod and tackle box! The colors and textures of the different kinds of lures were fun to look at, some even had glitter! When it came time for an actual fish to bite and we would have to take it off the hook I would be done and want to go home. Fishing was gross!

My dad wanted nothing more than to have me with him all the time. As the court system goes, they felt it was best for me to live with my mom and to attend school by her house. When I turn thirteen I can choose where I wanted to live though! He only lived about fifteen minutes from my mom in a mobile home at a retirement community. It was really quiet there, not many kids, but he was friends with everyone there and we always had lots of company. When it was time for me to go to his house, he would always shower me with gifts and whatever else I wanted. As an adult I think he felt like he had to because I didn't see him all the time and he was trying to make me happy and comfortable? Either way, it made going to his house funner than a vacation to Disney Land! One time he loaded up the truck and off to Toys R Us we went...we filled the whole bed of the truck with everything from bean bags to stickers. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. My daddy sure loved me.

When I was nine years old I had gone over to his house for the weekend. He had dinner set up on the kitchen table and asked if we could have a sit down dinner. We did not do this often. We sat down to enjoy our meal. He proceeded to tell me that he was really sick with something called Colon Cancer. At stage four the doctor had told him that he would not live much longer and that he was going to die. He didn't know how much longer he had so we were to enjoy every minute we had together. What those doctors didn't know what that my daddy is strong and he isn't going to die! My daddy can't die because I still need him...right?

As time went one, I saw that he was loosing a lot of weight and was starting to look sick. It was harder for him to do things with me. Our garden was no longer the beautiful bed of flowers we once had and the fishing trips had stopped. More often than not I would have to cancel our weekends together because he was at the hospital. Mom did such a good job of always taking me to see him and give him love. He ended up having to get a colostomy bag, which made it hard for him to be comfortable. He could tell it scared me to see this kind of pain, so he would try his hardest until he had nothing left and my mom would have to take me home. His hospital stays would last longer and longer and our visits were having to be cut short as it was too much for him and he needed his rest. Eventually my mother had to put him into a facility that had round the clock care for him and we would go visit him there every day! Although he had to be in a wheelchair we would go outside and sit together, in the distance you could see hot air balloons and we would watch them for what seemed like hours. This was my new favorite thing to do.

My dad had a calender on the wall and he would be so excited to cross another day off as he was living longer than was expected. This pain and agony he was enduring had been going on for over two years now. I had never seen someone so strong and determined. He inspired me and I knew that I was indeed the luckiest girl in the world, not because he bought me things, but because he was the strongest daddy in the world.

One evening my Mom had gone to visit him on her own, he was not doing well. She had called me at home telling me that he was having a bad day and maybe I should come see him. She had warned me that he no longer had his hearing or sight and was having a hard time talking. That couldn't be!! I just saw him the day before and he was fine! She told me that maybe this was that time that I needed to come tell him I love him and say goodbye. When I walked into his room I could tell that he was not doing good. I crawled up onto his bed and told him "I love you Daddy.". As tears ran down my cheeks he tried hard to talk to me...but nothing was coming out. My mom handed him a napkin to write something down, but all there was were scribbles. I ran to the hallway and cried harder than I ever had. I just wanted my dad to tell my goodbye and he loved me back! My mom had sent me back home so she could stay the night with him. When I got back home I packed a bag in a hurry because I wanted to go spend the night with him too! I called my mom and told her I was coming back...she was acting weird on the phone and told me should we call me later and for me to do my homework. Not an hour went by and my mom came walking in the front door, followed by my brother and then my sister. My dad had died. Later I had be told that when I called my mom to tell her I wanted to come back, she had walked in his room and he has passed while I was on the phone. She tells me that he was just waiting to make sure I was ok. I lost my dad when I was eleven, my life has forever been changed and I miss him every single day. I love you Daddy...