Teen Pregnancy

I vowed to start the new year with a positive attitude. My goal was to set aside drama and negativity and start enjoying life for once. You can imagine my surprise when everything went down hill only nine days into the month. I had woken up to a text message from my mother explaining that my nephew was expecting a baby. My heart literally felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. He is nineteen years old. That may seem young to some (it is), but I was not surprised. His mother had her first child at the same age. Where any of us surprised at all that teen pregnancy would repeat itself? To be honest, I am shocked that it hasn't happened sooner. Each year goes by and as my nephews get older and enter adulthood, I breathe a sigh of relief that there has not been any pregnancies or arrests. One of two isn't bad I suppose. Even though he is technically an adult and expecting a baby, his girlfriend is only sixteen. That is sooo young to be having a child! What were they thinking?  

What hurt my heart most was that I had to hear the news from my mom. She said that my sister wished for me to not know and had no intentions of ever telling me. My mom felt that was wrong and wanted me to be in the loop. Wow, we really have changed a lot as a family. I have grown apart from my nephews so much that they cannot even tell me when big things happen in their lives. He didn't feel as though he could call me or pay me a visit? Shouldn't he know by now that I never judge and will always be there for him. And why would my sister find it necessary to bring my name through the ringer yet again. You don't have bigger things to worry about than me finding out that your child is having a baby? And how dare she use an innocent baby (who had not yet to be born) against me? Her addiction has really done a number on us all. Do you know how much it breaks my heart to think that I no longer have a relationship with my nephews whom I love more than my own life at times? I would do anything for them. They have had my heart since the day they were born. Knowing that I will not have the same relationship with their children, kills me a little inside. I won't be apart of the pregnancy or one of the people anxiously waiting in the waiting room on delivery day. I hope one day that he reads this and realizes how much I truly care.

Secondly, why does my mother only keep communication with me via text message? Does she even realize how disconnected that makes me feel? She had known for quite some time and didn't think once to tell me what was going on? One thing I cannot stand is secretiveness and people acting fake around me. She sure put up a good front during Christmas. I have not spoken to her since January 17th. One thing she taught me was that if you have nothing nice to say, to not say anything at all. And that is exactly what I am doing. I mean, it isn't like she is reaching out either. It still astonishes me how much she continues to cater to my addict of a sister. My mother has no idea the struggles that we face when it comes to us having children. She will never understand what it feels like every time she makes it a point that I do not have children that require her attention. Hopefully she will learn one day that I am worth having a relationship with even though I don't have children of my own.

Thirdly, this news effected me for personal reasons. *Besides the fact that I started dating my husband when I was sixteen and he was twenty and my family made sure to threaten and make him feel uncomfortable, but yet no one bats an eye at my nephew's actions is beyond my comprehension.*  It has now been two years without the use of contraceptive. And guess what?!

I took this a few weeks back. Still hurts when you see that little three lettered word. 

 I know that we could try a lot harder than we are. We most definitely are not giving this whole baby thing your full attention. There are still days when I debate whether or not I even want to have kids. I still feel like the husband is not on board. It is all just a mess. A big personal mess that I would rather ignore. And for whatever reason, all these emotions surfaces after hearing this news. My siblings are significantly older than me and have required a lot of attention from my mother. Isn't it my turn to have kids and start a family of my own? We have waited many years to get my sister's boys to adulthood where the stress of their well being would no longer be our responsibility. Now they are having babies of their own and yet again I get pushed aside regarding my mother's priorities. I know that sounds extremely selfish. It's how I feel though. I will be turning thirty this year. That clock is ticking. LOUDLY. Maybe this whole parent thing isn't right for us. Maybe it is just what we need. I don't have medical. We live pay check to pay check. But are you ever really ready? I find out my nephew is having a baby, my childhood friend told me just a few days later that she too is expecting her first child. Aren't we supposed to have babies together, at the same time? And don't get me started with all the pregnancy announcements on Facebook. It's enough to send me over the edge. Super depressing. But I hold it all in, slap a smile on my face and give my congratulatory. Breaks a little piece of my heart each time.  

Remember, teen pregnancy can be prevented.