Fresh Start

So here I am, trying to be positive and move past this horrible month. Thank goodness tomorrow is the first! Super Bowl is on Sunday (GO HAWKS!) and Subway features $5 foot longs all month long. Things are already starting to look up! The best friend has surgery coming up in a couple of weeks. I have been stressing over this for many months and am glad that the day is finally here. It has been a long road. I am going to spend the night with her at the hospital and take care of her to the best of my ability during her recovery. For privacy issues, I will not be discussing this further. I also have quite the workload next month as March tends to be a busy month filled with birthdays and other expenses. I love being a freelance writer because I can make my own hours and essentially make however much money I need. However, it makes it hard to juggle everything else at the same time. Where was I going with this? I suppose, I am just trying my hardest to get everything back on track.

Getting ready for the Super Bowl. Gotta represent our home team!

It is still entirely too cold to start working in the yard or starting outdoor projects, so we have been tackling things around the house. We recently made our second purchase using my buy, sell, trade site! I scored a 7" digital picture frame, new in the box for only $15! We have always wanted one and could not pass up this amazing deal. (It sells for $40). I love framing photos, so it is neat to see it constantly changing. We also got a rug for placing underneath the dining room table. I LOVE the design on it and hope to one day get matching back splash for the kitchen. Target has the most amazing home decorating items! I could easily spend hours in there dreaming of all the thing I would love to purchase.

Our new digital picture frame. It is as easy and "dragging and dropping" photos from the computer directly onto a SD memory card and then placing it into the frame! We have 200+ photos on there so far with more room to spare. 

The new carpet

Here is to a new month! I am ready for things to start going smoothly, isn't it about time that we get a break? Oh, and did you notice that I am finally up to date on my blog?? Que the singing of angels now. I had been so behind that I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay tuned for my up-to-date happenings of being a hard working housewife who is soon turning thirty and still trying to find her way.

Niece

And the bad news just kept coming.

My niece was born with a large hole in her heart. At nine months old, she had surgery to correct this problem. She was the first girl after having five nephews. I was excited to dress her in tutus and curl her hair! Due to her many health problems early on, I felt as though I did not bond with her as much as I should have. What if something were to happen to her and I had gotten too close? It was hard enough to watch a baby go through such hard things, it was easier to keep my distance. She is twelve now, jeez the time sure has gone by fast. Over the years she has gone through her fair share of doctors appointments and procedures. She is smaller than other girls her age, but is otherwise in good health.

A few months back the husband and I had gone to one of her volleyball games. Right away I had noticed that she seemed to be hunched over and that her feet looked different. When it came time for her to hit the ball, she could barely get it into the air. I figured she just needed to practice more. When the husband had mentioned to me that he thought she looked "different" too, I grew concerned. It was just a few short weeks later that my brother and sister-in-law informed me that they took her to the doctor regarding the same concerns. The doctor immediately told them that he suspected something serious was going on and sent them to the children's hospital. The diagnosis was not good. After many doctor's appointments and tests, it has now been confirmed that she has CMT disease. Basically, her muscles are weakening and eventually she will have to utilize a wheelchair. She has already lost some feeling in both of her feet, legs, palms and her left arm. She is only twelve.

I still have yet to really process this information. I am on survival mode. My brother is devastated and not dealing well with the news. He is normally not one to show emotion, so it has been hard to see him struggle. The first thing I said to him is that we will be a strong family and get through this together. That was a lie. Our family is dysfunctional and sadly, this would not be reason enough for anything to change. However, at least I can vow to be there by his side. We don't have the best relationship and he has been less than supportive throughout the years. But, my heart breaks for him. Could you even imagine getting news like this about your child? And knowing that there is nothing you can do to fix it?

The plan is to treat her the same as we normally would. She will attend physical therapy and stay as active as possible for as long as her body allows. I am spending my free time educating myself on this disease and soaking up as much information as possibly I can. I feel guilty that I have not tried harder with bonding with her over the years. I should have been taking her to the park, running on the beach and dancing until our feet hurt. I cannot even comprehend that soon we will not be able to do any of those things...  

To find out more information about CMT disease, please visit www.cmtausa.org.

Teen Pregnancy

I vowed to start the new year with a positive attitude. My goal was to set aside drama and negativity and start enjoying life for once. You can imagine my surprise when everything went down hill only nine days into the month. I had woken up to a text message from my mother explaining that my nephew was expecting a baby. My heart literally felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. He is nineteen years old. That may seem young to some (it is), but I was not surprised. His mother had her first child at the same age. Where any of us surprised at all that teen pregnancy would repeat itself? To be honest, I am shocked that it hasn't happened sooner. Each year goes by and as my nephews get older and enter adulthood, I breathe a sigh of relief that there has not been any pregnancies or arrests. One of two isn't bad I suppose. Even though he is technically an adult and expecting a baby, his girlfriend is only sixteen. That is sooo young to be having a child! What were they thinking?  

What hurt my heart most was that I had to hear the news from my mom. She said that my sister wished for me to not know and had no intentions of ever telling me. My mom felt that was wrong and wanted me to be in the loop. Wow, we really have changed a lot as a family. I have grown apart from my nephews so much that they cannot even tell me when big things happen in their lives. He didn't feel as though he could call me or pay me a visit? Shouldn't he know by now that I never judge and will always be there for him. And why would my sister find it necessary to bring my name through the ringer yet again. You don't have bigger things to worry about than me finding out that your child is having a baby? And how dare she use an innocent baby (who had not yet to be born) against me? Her addiction has really done a number on us all. Do you know how much it breaks my heart to think that I no longer have a relationship with my nephews whom I love more than my own life at times? I would do anything for them. They have had my heart since the day they were born. Knowing that I will not have the same relationship with their children, kills me a little inside. I won't be apart of the pregnancy or one of the people anxiously waiting in the waiting room on delivery day. I hope one day that he reads this and realizes how much I truly care.

Secondly, why does my mother only keep communication with me via text message? Does she even realize how disconnected that makes me feel? She had known for quite some time and didn't think once to tell me what was going on? One thing I cannot stand is secretiveness and people acting fake around me. She sure put up a good front during Christmas. I have not spoken to her since January 17th. One thing she taught me was that if you have nothing nice to say, to not say anything at all. And that is exactly what I am doing. I mean, it isn't like she is reaching out either. It still astonishes me how much she continues to cater to my addict of a sister. My mother has no idea the struggles that we face when it comes to us having children. She will never understand what it feels like every time she makes it a point that I do not have children that require her attention. Hopefully she will learn one day that I am worth having a relationship with even though I don't have children of my own.

Thirdly, this news effected me for personal reasons. *Besides the fact that I started dating my husband when I was sixteen and he was twenty and my family made sure to threaten and make him feel uncomfortable, but yet no one bats an eye at my nephew's actions is beyond my comprehension.*  It has now been two years without the use of contraceptive. And guess what?!

I took this a few weeks back. Still hurts when you see that little three lettered word. 

 I know that we could try a lot harder than we are. We most definitely are not giving this whole baby thing your full attention. There are still days when I debate whether or not I even want to have kids. I still feel like the husband is not on board. It is all just a mess. A big personal mess that I would rather ignore. And for whatever reason, all these emotions surfaces after hearing this news. My siblings are significantly older than me and have required a lot of attention from my mother. Isn't it my turn to have kids and start a family of my own? We have waited many years to get my sister's boys to adulthood where the stress of their well being would no longer be our responsibility. Now they are having babies of their own and yet again I get pushed aside regarding my mother's priorities. I know that sounds extremely selfish. It's how I feel though. I will be turning thirty this year. That clock is ticking. LOUDLY. Maybe this whole parent thing isn't right for us. Maybe it is just what we need. I don't have medical. We live pay check to pay check. But are you ever really ready? I find out my nephew is having a baby, my childhood friend told me just a few days later that she too is expecting her first child. Aren't we supposed to have babies together, at the same time? And don't get me started with all the pregnancy announcements on Facebook. It's enough to send me over the edge. Super depressing. But I hold it all in, slap a smile on my face and give my congratulatory. Breaks a little piece of my heart each time.  

Remember, teen pregnancy can be prevented.

Christmas

So, I am a month late writing about our Christmas. Better late than never? The holidays were nice. Our planning and money saving turned out to come in handy as we were able to get the gifts we wanted without going over our financial means. Don't get me wrong, we did not have the kind of money we would have liked. But we were able to get things that we actually wanted. Funny how as you get older, your "wants" and "needs" change. Gone are the days of wanting toys, coloring books and stuffed animals. Now I want makeup, dish towels and clothes!

The best friend had us over the weekend before Christmas. We enjoyed an amazing turkey dinner and hurt our bellies from laughing so hard while playing Cards Against humanity. We had been wanting the game for quite some time,  but always found that it was out of stock. The best friend always comes through when it comes to things that I really want. The game is an "adult" version to the famous Apples to Apples. The best friend's husband got the card. "How did I lose my virginity?". The card he chose to answer the question was, "The Make a Wish Foundation.". We were afraid he was going to suffer from a stroke. The whole room was filled with laughter and tears. I mean, it cannot get much better than that. Oh, besides the Keurig that I got!! We sure are spoiled. Hello hot chocolate and apple cider any time I want! 

Of course I had to deal with some family drama during the holidays. What's new? My mom chose to spend time with me the weekend before so that she could have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my siblings. Still hurts, but I am getting used to it. I swung by my brother's house on Christmas eve afternoon to deliver presents. I did not feel as welcome as I would have liked and my niece said a few rude comments, but overall it was what I expected. The brother surprised me with a Keurig as well. I was surprised considering that most holidays he forgets to get me a gift. I returned it and got a cart full of stuff in return :) 

Christmas Day was a little unusual as the husband had to work. I woke up early to go grab us some McDonald's breakfast. I should have made something nice, but this was fun and easy. We stuffed our mouths and then opened our presents. I sent him off to work and spent the day cooking and cleaning up. Of course I had to make themed food...

Our fancy Christmas morning breakfast

Magic Mike and Chocolate? He sure knows me well.

My festive meatloaf.

My cherry Jello pound cake. It turned out REALLY good. Except, I had accidentally gotten sugar free cherry pie filling. It definitely needed the sugar. Click here for the recipe. 

Happy Holidays! Only 330 days until Christmas! 

Taco Pizza

I have been trying my best to incorporate at least one "new" meal into our weekly dinner menu. I don't want our dinners to get boring and we enjoy trying new things. My latest creation was found on Pinterest of course. We love everything taco related and thought a pizza would be fun. It tasted great even with the healthier options!

Ingredients needed:

8 pack of burrito sized flour or wheat tortillas

1 can fat free refried beans

1/4 cup chicken broth

Taco seasoning

2 cups Mexican shredded cheese

1 cup of monterrey jack and sharp cheese grated

Canola oil for frying tortillas

1 small can of mild enchilada sauce (we are sissies and do not like spicy)

1 can of sliced olives

1/4 cup sliced green onion

1 8oz package of cream cheese (I use 1/3 less fat)

1.5 lbs ground turkey (we no longer cook with beef)

I first placed the oil and tortillas in a frying pan to get them a little crispy on each side. Once the tortillas were done, I threw them onto a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil. <-- important. I then spread the cream cheese and beans (did you know that adding chicken broth to the beans will make it more creamy and bring out the flavor better?) evenly across the tortilla. Top with the meat (with taco season mixed in) and some of the enchilada sauce generously placed across the meat. Then throw a handful of cheese on top. 

I then placed another tortilla down and topped it with the cheese mixture, olives and green onions. 

Bake @ 400 degrees until cheese is melted. 5-10 minutes. 

I garnished with some shredded lettuce, Mexican sour cream and a scoop of white rice. I made two pizzas which ended up being more than enough for the husband and I. We even had enough ingredients leftover to make more taco pizzas the following night. Success! 

Top 13 in 2013

In no particular order of course.

1. SEEING THE EAGLES! Sorry for the excess of using caps lock. I still get excited when I think about the 3+ hours of listening to one of my favorite bands. It was magical.

2. Experiencing the "Ride the Ducks" tour in Seattle.

3. Winning tickets to see Bruno Mars!

4. Snoqualmie date with the husband.

5. Conquering the 3 mile hike to the Ice Caves. 

6. Heather getting her lung transplant! 

Six month post-op! 

7. Visiting Roloff Farms

8. Being able to relax on the beach while seeing Haystack Rock for the first time.

9. Seeing Teresa Caputo!

10. Picnic adventures with the husband.

11. My many trips to Seattle 

12. Going to the zoo. I think it is much funner when you are an adult!

13. Winning $654 at Bingo! 

I was surprised with how easy it was to come up with 13 of my favorite memories from this past year. Some other honorable mentions include:

- Going to the EMP

- Winning Melissa Etheridge tickets

-Winning REO Speedwagon tickets

-The Fish Ladder? Scary, but fun!

-Visiting the Goonies house

-Trying Beth's Cafe finally

The husband and I went to the movie theater more this year and made sure to spend some quality time together as often as we could. This past year brought a lot of adventure and joy. There were some sad moments such as loosing my grandfather. I am still trying to figure out where I belong here in this world. I have yet to find the reasoning of why people are so inconsiderate when it comes to my feelings and why it takes so long for karma to return the favor. I look forward to what the next year will bring. I will be turning 30! (gulp). 

Happy New Year everyone!