Missing You

Saturday October first marked sixteen years since my father has been on an indefinite vacation, that is what I still tell myself at least. You would think after all these years it would get easier, however it most certainty has not. I think as I have gotten older it has gotten harder to accept that he is gone and I will not be seeing him again. When I was younger he missed out on holidays and birthday parties, but now as an adult he has missed out on teaching me how to drive, watching me graduate, buying my first home, and most importantly, walking me down the isle. When it is my time to birth a child, it will yet again be another thing I can mark on the list of things he did not get to be a part of. I get angry most of the time, especially when others around me have their fathers still alive and do not cherish this time they have with them, I would give anything to be in their position. They say that time heals all wounds...even if that is true, it sure does not seem that way. It has gotten a little easier over the years, I am no longer in denial and realize he will not be coming home. I have forgotten the sound of his voice, the way he walked, his smell and smile. But I do remember that he loved me and I am sure he still loves me and thinks about me just as often as I think of him, I just wish I could hear him say it and see the love in his eyes one last time. When will this get easier Dad? Are you reading this from heaven right now? I miss you...more than you know. I try talking to you and look at your pictures all the time. Gets hard holding onto something that isn't there, something I cannot touch or hear a response back. I will still talk to you, tell you I love you everyday and look to the sky every time something reminds me of you. But it's hard; some days are harder than normal. October first I will always think of you more than normal because it marks the last day I got to see your face and feel the love you had for me. Sorry I didn't stay with you longer to be there while you took your last breath. Please watch over me and be proud of the woman I have become. I do it for you.

"Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away."