I put off writing this section of my life. I have put many things behind me and strived to move on. I am hoping that in writing all of this onto my blog that it will help in the the process of putting the past behind so I can focus on the future.
As the years went by, the boys and I adapted to the new life we had made for ourselves. My sister continued to be an addict and the boys' father was in and out of jail. I was trying to be the best I could be in caring for the boys while keeping my new relationship in tact all while struggling in school. I knew that graduating high school was turning out to be a lot tougher than I ever imagined but it was extremely important to me to get my diploma, and I knew that was what my dad would have wanted as well. I transferred to a private school for my senior year so I could have more one on one help. Best decision of my life thus far. I ended up graduating with a 3.9 GPA! Putting on my cap and gown was so invigorating as it had been an extremely hard battle to get to that point. This was my first life lesson in knowing that I can do hard things.
After I finished high school, this gave me more time to dedicate to the raising of the boys. I wanted nothing more than to work on me, find a career, a job and do things for me for once. I knew that this was not the time for me, as the boys needed me, the stability I brought to their lives. I attended every school function they were apart of; field trips, assemblies, dinners and would volunteer whenever possible. When they got home I would have an after school snack on the table, we would do homework and get school projects accomplished. I would have dinner in their mouths and put a blanket over them while tucking them into bed and giving them a kiss. My sister was working at a dive bar at the time and would only come home when she felt necessary. Sometimes she would come in at five in the morning, high, with a new guy on her arm. I always was thankful that the kids were fast asleep at these times so they didn't have to witness the things I had to. Other times she wouldn't come home for days. CPS (Child Protective Services) were called a number of times for her lack of parenting. In our lovely state of Washington they do not start an investigation unless the child/children have physical marks on their body. Thank goodness the children were never physically abused, but sometimes I found myself wishing they would have been, just so we could have gotten them into a better home and more of a healthy environment. I trucked along and took everyday for what it was, working on one day at a time was all I knew how to do.
My relationship was going well. He supported me and the devotion I had for the boys. He helped when he could, financially and emotionally. I will forever be thankful for him . The boys loved him and loved knowing they had a male figure in their lives that wasn't coming and going. He gave us the feeling of stability. We fit in time for us when we could, going to the drive in for movies, out to dinner or a trip to the beach were our favorite things to do. After two years of dating he moved into the house I shared with my mother. Although I was very leery of having him move in with us, he was in a predicament and all he had done for us, how could we not help him out? This turned out to be a great change for us. He helped my mother with things around the house that we hadn't had help with for years! We both liked the feeling of having a man in the house for once. This move also brought us closer as a couple.
Life continued like this for many years, the boys were getting older and turning into young men right before my eyes. My relationship was on the right path, we had been together about six years at this point!
September 2006- We had all decided to go on a family vacation to the ocean. We stayed in a huge cabin that we had been going to since I was a baby. The first few days were not that bad. My sister was not nearly as intoxicated as she normally is and we were having a good time. Although we caught ourselves constantly walking on egg shells because we never knew how my sister was going to act towards us. A couple days later my boyfriend came down to join us, along with my sisters best friend of twenty five years. As soon as they walked into the cabin you could tell my sister was not happy. (You can never tell what an addict is thinking!) That night we were all relaxing, playing games with the kids and chatting with each other. We had noticed that my sister was no where to be found. She traced into the house sometime late in the night, and we paid her no attention. The next morning I was awoken by my sisters best friend, she told me that there was a guy in the kitchen. WHAT?!... I went down to investigate, to see that it was one of her boyfriends at the time. When did he get there? Was he in the cabin while we were sleeping? Is that why she was gone all night? I had came unglued.
The afternoon had came, we all decided to go our separate ways as none of us wanted to hang out with my sister and her boyfriend. She took the boys with her and the rest of us went shopping for the day. When we returned to the cabin, I was the first one to walk through the door. "You bitch, you picked sides! I am leaving!!" Was the first thing I heard. Up until this point I had never stood up to my sister or told her how angry I was with her life style. My whole life I have held everything inside and just slapped a smile on my face. Not this time! "Picked sides? What are you talking about?" I responded. She told me that because we went shopping with her best friend instead of spending time with her that I had picked sides. She was acting crazy! Like when she is high. She had been acting fine until her boyfriend came. They were probably out the night before doing God knows what. Now all of a sudden she was acting erratic and not making sense. I told her to go ahead and leave then. She told me that I would never see the boys again, as she sped out of the drive way, my mom chased after her. My sister yelled to my mom "We are not family anymore!!"
We spent the rest of the night in shock over what had transpired. I knew in my heart that things were about to change for the worse. I, however, did not know how bad things were about to get...
*Side note- Today is my sisters birthday. Although a part of me is sad to not have her in my life, writing this today made me realize that the negativity she brought to my life is no longer welcome. This is MY life and I am more than ready to move on, leaving her behind.*
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