Finding Me

As my sister found that it wasn't a priority to be at home and care for her children, I took it upon myself to step in and make sure the boys were well taken care of. My mother could not take on the burden of having four more children to take care of, she was working two jobs at the time and was still in complete denial that my sister was doing anything wrong. My brother was married now and had two children of his own and it was too much for him to take on my sister's problems as well. I cooked meals, helped with school projects, attended field trips and school functions, made sure the clothes were clean and the dishes done, put food in the fridge and disciplined when needed. I had taught myself how to be the best "step in" mom I could be, all while continuing to make my way through high school. This was a very hard time for me and I struggled lots and felt like I had lost my way, but most importantly, lost who I was as a person.

Although my sister had checked out more than not, she did however come around when it was convenient for her. She had started dating yet another guy, who happened to be her ex husbands friend. Does this surprise you? I was not very happy about this new relationship. She had wanted to start bringing the kids around to this guys house and do "Family" stuff together, little did he know, she wasn't even interested in her children at the time.  My sister knew how I felt about this guy and that I was not interested in the least to go to his house or have the kids see him. One afternoon we had attended a family wedding together and as my sister and I were leaving she informed me that we would be swinging by his house. I was not happy. We got to his house. That day would change my life, more than I could have ever imagined.

Not only was my sister's new boyfriend there, but there was another guy, much younger than my sister's boyfriend. I asked who he was and why he was there. The boyfriend told me that he was a neighbor and that his mom had just passed away a few months back and he was having him over to visit and have a home cooked meal. Wow, did this boyfriend actually have a heart? Maybe he wasn't the monster I made him out to be. Either way I still wasn't happy about their relationship. Knowing how it felt to loose a parent, I thought I would go talk to this guy and maybe I could offer him some comforting advice or words of wisdom? Who am I kidding? This guy was amazingly hot and I couldn't take my eyes off of him! Would he even notice me or pay any attention that I was there? I had never had this feeling about someone before. I had never even dated or had a boyfriend, I was only sixteen for crying out loud. I had butterflies in my stomach.

Who would have guessed that ten years later that amazingly hot guy would be my husband!!

We started dating shortly after I had met him. He was four years older than me. My family was not too happy about this, but I felt extremely mature for my age, look how fast I had to grow up and the responsibilities that were thrown in my lap! I told him right away that there were four boys in my life and they mean the world to me and that I had to take care of them a lot, if he did not like that, then there was no way things would work between us. To my disbelief, he took those four boys into his life with open arms. Even though it upset him the situation I was in, he understood the love I had for these boys and knew that I would do anything and everything to help and protect them. He stood by my side and helped whenever he could with raising the boys. I also think they felt good having a stable male role model in their lives too. They looked up to him and enjoyed the time we all spent together.

I finally had someone in my life who made me feel whole. He made me feel beautiful, told me all the time how amazing I was and most importantly supported me in whatever I wanted to do in my life. Even though I still was caring for the boys and attending school, when I had free time I made sure to spend it with him. I was doing something for me that made me happy. I hadn't felt or done anything for myself like that in a long time. I was falling in love and it was the best feeling in the world...