I Love You Daddy

Spending time with Dad was always fun and exciting. I would go over to his house every other weekend and once during the week. He was retired so we had all the time in the world to do whatever we pleased. His favorite activities were gardening, fishing and drinking beer. I never thought his drinking was ever out of control, but I did realize that he drank more than other Dad's did. He was never violent or anything like that, I just thought it was normal that he drank a lot...I never knew any different. He had a beautiful garden with beds of flowers in every color in scent. We could spend hours outside perfecting our gardening skills and making our dream yard that others would envy. He taught me that you have to be patient and with patience comes beauty. My favorite part was to pick our beautiful creations and put them in a vase for the kitchen table. Fishing was his guilty pleasure. He could fish everyday if he was able! Although I was not fond of the whole fishing experience, I loved spending time with him on the water. I would pile on the sunblock, fill my cooler with crackers and a soda and we would be gone for hours. He bought me my very own pink fishing rod and tackle box! The colors and textures of the different kinds of lures were fun to look at, some even had glitter! When it came time for an actual fish to bite and we would have to take it off the hook I would be done and want to go home. Fishing was gross!

My dad wanted nothing more than to have me with him all the time. As the court system goes, they felt it was best for me to live with my mom and to attend school by her house. When I turn thirteen I can choose where I wanted to live though! He only lived about fifteen minutes from my mom in a mobile home at a retirement community. It was really quiet there, not many kids, but he was friends with everyone there and we always had lots of company. When it was time for me to go to his house, he would always shower me with gifts and whatever else I wanted. As an adult I think he felt like he had to because I didn't see him all the time and he was trying to make me happy and comfortable? Either way, it made going to his house funner than a vacation to Disney Land! One time he loaded up the truck and off to Toys R Us we went...we filled the whole bed of the truck with everything from bean bags to stickers. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. My daddy sure loved me.

When I was nine years old I had gone over to his house for the weekend. He had dinner set up on the kitchen table and asked if we could have a sit down dinner. We did not do this often. We sat down to enjoy our meal. He proceeded to tell me that he was really sick with something called Colon Cancer. At stage four the doctor had told him that he would not live much longer and that he was going to die. He didn't know how much longer he had so we were to enjoy every minute we had together. What those doctors didn't know what that my daddy is strong and he isn't going to die! My daddy can't die because I still need him...right?

As time went one, I saw that he was loosing a lot of weight and was starting to look sick. It was harder for him to do things with me. Our garden was no longer the beautiful bed of flowers we once had and the fishing trips had stopped. More often than not I would have to cancel our weekends together because he was at the hospital. Mom did such a good job of always taking me to see him and give him love. He ended up having to get a colostomy bag, which made it hard for him to be comfortable. He could tell it scared me to see this kind of pain, so he would try his hardest until he had nothing left and my mom would have to take me home. His hospital stays would last longer and longer and our visits were having to be cut short as it was too much for him and he needed his rest. Eventually my mother had to put him into a facility that had round the clock care for him and we would go visit him there every day! Although he had to be in a wheelchair we would go outside and sit together, in the distance you could see hot air balloons and we would watch them for what seemed like hours. This was my new favorite thing to do.

My dad had a calender on the wall and he would be so excited to cross another day off as he was living longer than was expected. This pain and agony he was enduring had been going on for over two years now. I had never seen someone so strong and determined. He inspired me and I knew that I was indeed the luckiest girl in the world, not because he bought me things, but because he was the strongest daddy in the world.

One evening my Mom had gone to visit him on her own, he was not doing well. She had called me at home telling me that he was having a bad day and maybe I should come see him. She had warned me that he no longer had his hearing or sight and was having a hard time talking. That couldn't be!! I just saw him the day before and he was fine! She told me that maybe this was that time that I needed to come tell him I love him and say goodbye. When I walked into his room I could tell that he was not doing good. I crawled up onto his bed and told him "I love you Daddy.". As tears ran down my cheeks he tried hard to talk to me...but nothing was coming out. My mom handed him a napkin to write something down, but all there was were scribbles. I ran to the hallway and cried harder than I ever had. I just wanted my dad to tell my goodbye and he loved me back! My mom had sent me back home so she could stay the night with him. When I got back home I packed a bag in a hurry because I wanted to go spend the night with him too! I called my mom and told her I was coming back...she was acting weird on the phone and told me should we call me later and for me to do my homework. Not an hour went by and my mom came walking in the front door, followed by my brother and then my sister. My dad had died. Later I had be told that when I called my mom to tell her I wanted to come back, she had walked in his room and he has passed while I was on the phone. She tells me that he was just waiting to make sure I was ok. I lost my dad when I was eleven, my life has forever been changed and I miss him every single day. I love you Daddy...

And Then There Were Four

Throughout my childhood, my mom worked full time and found me an amazing lady who cared for me during the day. She watched me since I was six weeks old and was like a second mom to me. She would get me ready for school and have a snack ready for when I got back, I loved being at her house. She cared for me until I was nine. And yes I am still in contact with her to this day :] Back at home with my mom things were pretty normal day to day stuff. Get up early, head to the sitters, go to school, come home when Mom got off work, eat dinner, do homework, then go to bed...rinse and repeat. I would go visit my dad every other weekend and a Wednesday here and there. My brother had graduated high school when I was four and he headed off to college, but would still come home some weekends and holidays. My sister on the other hand...she became a teen mom. She gave birth to my nephew when I was seven. Believe it or not, my mom was really excited to be a grandma and after my sister had the baby, she became a lot closer to me, I think she realised that there was no need to be so angry with me, I was just a child and didn't deserve that. She moved out of our house into an apartment with her boyfriend and the baby. I would visit all the time and help out with the baby. Seventeen months later she gave birth to baby number two, another boy! I was delighted to be an aunt again! I had so much fun always being apart of their little family and watching the babies grow and learn. Thirteen months after baby number two, number three came, another boy! Three boys!! Our family was sure getting big. Last but not least about two and a half years later baby number four was born...and you guessed it...a boy!! I was the proud aunt of four nephews. Life couldn't get any better than this.

I never knew you could have as much love for someone as I had for these four boys. They are the lights of my life. We grew up together and my sister made me feel so loved by including me in every day activities and having me over all the time. After she had baby number four, she married their dad -she had been dating him since I was five-. I always felt so blessed to be able to be such a big part of their lives, to watch them grow and turn into young men. I could see the love in their eyes for me and that they looked up to me and smiled when I would walk in the room. We had many adventures together, exploring our way through life...

A Little Side Note

How amazing would these be for Fourth of July? Strawberries as a jello shot? Yes please!

http://www.bakersroyale.com/fruit/strawberry-margarita-jell-o-shooters/

The Beginning

My mother was thirty five when she gave birth to me. She already had two children from a previous marriage. My brother was fourteen and my sister twelve when I was born. My father was forty nine, as he was getting ready to retire he decided he wanted to have one more baby, and so they made me! My father also had two previous children from his first marriage, I have never met his kids although I have put much effort into finding them. I always think about having siblings out there that I know nothing about or what they look like. They did not have a good relationship with my dad and he did not have much communication with them, so I understand why it would be awkward for them to want a relationship with me, but I still tried.

I was 6lbs 8oz when I was born. Hair that stood up on end...and lots of it! My brother and sister had a hard time welcoming me into the world, my mom raised them as a single parent for many years. They were not fond of the idea of my mom re marring and having another child. My father also had some concerns coming into a "ready made family" and having to deal with the difficulties that came into that. Although my brother dealt with the changes, my sister on the other hand had a harder time. She was very jealous at time, my mom was concerned as my sister was showing so much hatred to an infant, we were not left alone together very often.

My father built us a house to live in, beautiful! The white picket fence house and Leave it to Beaver family that everyone always pictures for their future. To the world we were the epitome of a wonderfully blended family. On the inside though, my dad was an alcoholic who found it harder and harder to mix myself and his wife along with the other two children who were not very fond of him. When I was two my parents divorced. Although I would have loved nothing more than to grow up with both of my parents under the same roof, I have mixed feelings on this issue. It really never bothered me to have divorced parents, I did not know any different, I had thought that every kid had a Mom's house and a Dad's house. Now as an adult, I believe that you should not stay in a marriage because you think it is the best for the kids. I have seen parents divorce when their kids are older or even adults and see how much harder it is on the family. My mom did as best she could raising us three kids as a single parent and I will forever be thankful for her.

Growing up with older parents and a big age difference between me and my siblings proved to be very difficult through the years...

My Best Friend

I wanted to start by telling you about the happiest day of my life. The day I married my best friend. 10.10.10. We had been together for ten years and we started dating in October so October 10, 2010 couldn't have been any more perfect for our wedding day! I wanted to start off with our wedding story so you will know who he is because I will be talking about him lots! We have been together since I was sixteen years old. I never knew love could be this amazing. We got married on the beach and said our vows in a lighthouse, it was warm that day (Surprising for October in Washington!) and the sun was shinning, the water was calm and the air was crisp. We had a lot of drama leading up to this more than perfect day -we will get to that later-  besides the ceremony being one hour later than we had expected and the photographer showing up in a neck brace, everything turned out amazing. It truly was the most happiest day of my life. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him, as Hallmark as it might sound, he has completed my life.

The ocean has always been a special place to me. I have been going there to vacation since I was a kid. When we started dating we started going on vacation together to enjoy the water and relax. Throughout the years we went as often as we could. In August of 2009 we took a mush needed getaway to the ocean. The weather had not been great but we made sure to make the best of it. Towards the end of our trip the weather let up and it was almost 80 degrees! We spent all day in the sun and even had a picnic on the beach. Back at the cabin, he fell asleep on the couch for a little cat nap. It was almost sunset, so I walked down to the water to catch the view. As I took my last photo of the sunset I turned around to see him on his knee proposing to me!! Does it get any better than this?!

We decided on a date that night and the planning begun. We decided right away that we did not want a big wedding. As we talked more, we decided that eloping would be the best option for us. Neither one of us have a great family life -Bet you can't wait to hear all about that!- and we were worried about drama and the chaos that happens when one gets married. We knew that our wedding day was most important for us and celebrating our ten years together and making a commitment for the rest of our lives was all that mattered. We right then knew that we only wanted it to just be us two on our special day.

 Eloping = less to do...right? HA! I wish. It took almost all of the next year to get everything into place. We also were in the middle of buying our first home at the time too, so it was really hectic. I don't recommend buying a home and planning your wedding at the same time! I think my first grey hair transpired from this. We did all the planning by ourselves, as we thought that since we were eloping, friends and family wouldn't really feel the need to help. Wish I would have know that they felt different, it would have been nice to have some help. As the months went by I could tell that my family and some friends were starting to feel left out. I never had any intentions of doing that. My sister in law threw me an amazing bridal shower. I felt so girly and ready to tie the knot! We invited almost 90 people, which to much of my disappointment about twenty showed up. Only four of them being family. Ouch. Maybe I really upset them by eloping, but this is about us not them! My friends threw me a bachelorette night as well, which will for sure go down in the record books!

It was Friday, two days before the big day. We were headed to the ocean, about three hours from where we live. As we were getting ready to leave early in the morning I received some text messages from my sister (whom you will later realize is the route to all evil and I swear her goal in life is to ruin mine) the one that sticks out in my mind the most is "Wow, you really are a fucked up person". In her drug/alcohol induced state (yes, she is an addict. Wayyy more to come on that subject) she had thought we were having a big wedding but not including her. I tried to call her and understand why she would send these horrible messages to me, but to no avail as she had blocked my number. Mature huh? And you will find it really funny that she is twelve years older than me!

Off to the beach we went. Long story short, don't want to bore you anymore! We got to the ocean and it seems as though we left all the drama back home! Yay! As the next couple days went on more and more people we knew (eleven in total) showed up in town to surprise us for our big day. I was honesty shocked but so happy that these few people came all this way and must really care about us and wanted nothing more than to see us commit to each other, and for this I can say that I am so thankful they got to see our smiles :]

We said our vows, released butterflies in the sky, took breath taking photos on the beach and had a huge (when I say huge, I mean HUGE, seriously this pizza was like four feet around!) pizza dinner with everyone who came. I caught myself looking at the expressions on their faces and seeing how much love they had for us and that it meant a lot for them to be there for our wedding day. It had been such a long time since I had felt this much love. Little did I know, this feeling wouldn't last long...

Something New

Is anyone out there reading this? If so, HI! My name is Melissa, I am in my twenties, recently married to my best friend and trying to be a domesticated home owner. I have been through a lot in my life thus far and as therapy is too expensive I thought why not blog? And who knows what will come of this? Maybe I will find a new friend or possibly some kind words of encouragement, we could all use those right? So if you are interested in hearing my stories, funny, sad, happy and some tragic as well, please stay tuned! I may even throw a joke in here and there :] This will also include lots of venting, frustration and of course those lovely curve balls that my life so willingly likes to throw my way!

Life story coming soon...