Happy birthday to ME!

Wow! What a birthday! It started on Friday, I went to pick up the best friend so we could spend the day together. When I arrived at her house she came walking out with a Jamba! Her hands were full, there were presents and a big piece of carrot cake. I was in heaven! We went out to lunch at Sheri's, had some amazing pie and she even sang 'nothing compares to you' at the table. haha

Not too far from the restaurant was a new doughnut shop that we had heard about and have been dying to try! It was a little spendy {$8.99 for a half dozen} but they looked delicious.

After gaining 5.5 pounds she asked me to open some presents she had brought for me. I am so spoiled!! She sure made me feel loved. I got a gray Columbia fleece, a Value village gift card, and the best thing ever...PINK LEMONADE CAKE BATTER AND FROSTING! I absolutely cannot wait to make some cupcakes with these. Will make sure to blog about it :)

I really am the luckiest girl to have a best friend like her.

I picked up some teriyaki to bring home for dinner and swung by Redbox on the way home to pick up Footloose. When I walked in the door, I saw the husband had put up some decorations. He is so sweet! When he got home from work he came baring flowers, chocolate milk, my favorite candy and some scratch tickets! This sure was a great start to the weekend. We enjoyed dinner and the movie {still like the original better!} and headed to bed, we had a fun filled weekend ahead of us!

Saturday came, we woke up and scarfed those delicious doughnuts and went on a shopping spree! This year we did something a little different, we just gave each other money and took one another shopping so we could get whatever we wanted. I really liked this! Although it was different not having any present to open, it was fun to be drove around and go where I wanted to go and get fun things! We went to Kmart and Target. I got some sunglasses, a new shirt, some makeup and a cute pair of sandals. I felt like a queen! After shopping we went to Red Robin for dinner and then shared a chocolate shake from Cold Stone. We stopped by the casino to get our birthday points put on our card and then headed home to get into our pajamas, play some Mario Party and veg. It was pretty much the most amazing thing ever!

On my actual birthday {Tuesday} my mom had took the day off work and wanted to spend it with me. We wanted to go see a scary movie, but nothing good was playing at the theater because of Hunger Games just being released. We decided to go to a fancy seafood restaurant to indulge in some fish and chips. I felt like we were a little under dressed, it was really fancy! I would have never spent as much as we did for lunch, but it was really nice and felt good to spoil ourselves. I couldn't stop looking at the glass jellyfish hanging from the ceiling! We finished our meal with frozen hot chocolate and warm doughnuts. Mmmm :)

After lunch we headed to the movies. We really wanted to try a 3D movie, the last one I had seen was when the glasses were still made of paper, one side was red and the other blue. The last time my mom went to one was when when Mt. St Helens erupted! Over 30 years ago. BOY have things sure changed. It felt like the movie was right in your face! At first it was a little overwhelming but we really enjoyed it. We saw The Lorax, it was cute!

Later that night  my Friend stopped by with flowers and cheesecake! The husband came home and made breakfast for dinner and even let me watch 16 and Pregnant. Although I have probably gained 46 1/2 pounds over the course of March, I would totally do it all over again. I felt so loved and spoiled! One of the best birthdays I have had in a long time. Although some people forgot to acknowledge my birthday, that didn't bother me, because the ones who did, are the ones that truly matter :)

Tulips

Last week me and the best friend had stopped by the local Haggen store. While we were at the checkout the lady was marking down some price tags to one dollar. We asked what was going to be on sale and she said some flowers! We walked outside to see what they looked like, the tulips caught our eye! The lady told us it would be perfect timing to plant them and that they would come up every year. So we did what any one else would have done...

filled the trunk.

I couldn't stand these pretty things sitting in the garage any longer, so over the weekend I planted them. I have no green thumb what-so-ever, but had the perfect place to put them. When we first moved in, there were three bushes by the front door, they ended up dying and we ripped them out. It has looked so bare and lonely since then. The tulips look perfect there! I wish I would have bought some more, but at least I can keep an eye out for a good deal and add to the area at a later time.

I think my thumb may have a hint of green now?





Happy birthday Dad

Today  you would be 77. I went and visited you at the cemetery, cleaned your headstone and brought some flowers. I really miss you, sometimes it feels like I have visited you more at the grave site than I got to when you were still here.



I also did something new this year, I wrote on a balloon and let it go. The weather has been really crappy lately, but today was beautiful! I hope you enjoyed it and got to see it float through the clouds. I watched it until I couldn't see it anymore.

Happy Birthday! I love you

Timeline of a chaotic life

I was not quite sure why I decided to jot down a timeline of the last few years, until I was done and it made me feel validated! I am not crazy! We have been through a lot. Looking at this all written on paper makes me feel like we can accomplish anything we set our mind to. Life sure does throw you lemons.

When the snowball started...

- September 2006
My first huge fight with my sister, changed our relationship and I didn't get to see the boys as often.

- October 2006
Husband gets into a near fatal car accident. Our lives change forever.

- December 2006
Husbands sister thinks car accident is not a "big deal" and that we are just money hungry. Have not spoken to her since.

- July 2007
File motion for lawsuit. Written down it looks like not much happened this year, the lawsuit took up most of our time.

- July 2008
Emergency surgery stemming from the accident, feel like we are starting at square one all over again.

- September 2008
Grandpa has a fall, followed by many heart attacks, surgeries and now he has dementia. Multiple trips to and from the hospital.

- February 2009
Lawsuit is over. 2 surgeries, 28 staples, 17 specialist appointments, PTSD, 1 deposition, 1 mediation, 2 physical evaluations and 151 filings with the court later. {Yes that says one hundred and fifty one, I looked it up on the court records, this made me very emotional. No one really understood how hard this was on us and the toll it took. We learned a lot from this experience but would never wish it upon our worst enemy.}

- May 2009
Start house shopping.

-June 2009
Start the building of our new home.

- October 2009
Moved into our new home!

- June 2010
Sister forges my name $15,000

- August 2010
Nephew gets stabbed, badly hurt. While taking care of him got into fight with my drunken sister, this will be the last time I speak to her.

- October 2010
Get married! Number gets blocked from the nephews. Upon arriving home from honeymoon Mom tells me she might have breast cancer, she then stops talking to me due to all the drama with the sister.

- April 2011
Mom starts talking to me again, we try to fix our relationship, this would prove hard and something we are still working on to this day. Informs me that after many testing it looks as though she does not have cancer, but has decided not to go back for more recommended testing due to not wanting to hear any bad news.

- June 2011
Miss my nephews high school graduation. First time it really hit me that things will never be the same.

- August 2011
Ended all friendships with negative people around us.

- October 2011
Brought home two cats.

- December 2011
Marks the second round of holidays I have not spent with my family. Did not hurt as much this year as it did before. Enjoying our new traditions.

What a whirl wind it has been! I look forward to adding to this list, but hoping it will be nothing but positive stuff this time!

March Madness

I have not been writing much about my feelings as of lately, or much of anything personal. I need to remind myself that the point of this blog is to open up and not keep things bottled up. I most definitely have the cupcake part of my blog title down pat, now onto the heartache...

As they say, March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb. I do not like this analogy. March truly does come in like a damn lion, that's for sure! The month starts off with the husbands birthday, March 5th. We have really buckled down on our budget. We have both decided that we are at the point where financially we can afford for me to be a homemaker, although we still live paycheck to paycheck we can make it work. My husband and house are the most important things to me. I take such pride in working around the house and the things I accomplish each day. What I struggle with is that the title of "homemaker" comes with the  description of laziness. I wish I had time to be lazy! I work extremely hard to keep our house as clean and organized as it is, and having dinner on the table every night amongst the many other things I do. But I often feel like that is not enough and that contributing money to the household would help out more than what I am doing now. Because of our newly tight budget I could not give the husband the kind of birthday he deserves. Maybe I'm just hard on myself or maybe my thoughts have good standing?

My cousins birthday is one day before the husbands, they are the same age, however my cousin leads a crazy life full of women, drugs and partying. We do not talk or see each other often. I recently got a text message from him asking if he could pass along my info for a references, I assumed it was for employment. A few days later I received a call from an automated recording saying thanks for being a credit reference for an auto loan. What!? This bothered me tremendously, especially after the whole sister forging my name thing. I couldn't believe another family member would "use" me like this. I felt as though he was not being forthcoming about what the reference was for and knowing what I have been through and that we barely talk as it it. Why would he even have bothered me with this? I immediately called the company and asked for all my info to be removed and that I would not be his credit reference. Ugh! Maybe I am overreacting on the issue but it really did upset me for some reason.

The next birthday on the list came March 16th, one of my nephews. Boy oh boy did this bring up some feelings I had been pushing aside. I still struggle with how much anger I have towards my sister. She has done so much damage and caused a lot of anguish for so many people. I hate that I no longer have a relationship with my nephews. I don't get to see them on holidays or birthdays. I have missed graduations, proms and other special events. I HATE IT! I knew I wouldn't be able to see him on his birthday this year either, so when the day came I wrote him a nice text message and attached one of his baby pictures. His response was "Thanks". My mother got to go to his birthday dinner, why does this get under my skin so badly?? It makes me furious. I was the one who was there when those boys needed someone! I took care of everything with little to no help from the family. Now I can't even have a relationship with them. And yet my mom has no problem sitting at a table with them and my sister with all that has happened? I don't get it! It really tears at my heart. Should I not have anger towards my mom? I can't blame her for still talking to all of them or having dinner, but I do. No one thinks about how bad this hurts me. The blatant disregard for my feelings is astonishing. Should this not bother me? Am I too sensitive? Are my feelings legit and understandable? I hate questioning myself.

March 17th, St. Patrick's Day party. On one hand it was nice to be invited to a party, on the other I found this gave me a ton of anxiety. My guard is so strong at the moment that I constantly feel everyone is out to get us, who will hurt us next? The old group of friends were not invited but were brought up. Some pictures were posted on Facebook that we were tagged in. This did not sit well with them. It kind of felt good knowing that they saw that we still have fun without them, we have moved on! Then at night when I am laying in bed and it is quiet... BAM all these emotions hit me. For the love of God why do they still bother me?? We are so much better off, no backstabbing, drama or talking behind backs. It has been nice. But it's still hard moving on from them. I pray it gets easier and wont hurt as bad.

March 20th, the brothers birthday. I was invited to dinner, an expensive restaurant. I told my sister in law I could not afford to go, she said not only would she pay for me, she wouldn't invite my sister so I would feel "comfortable". Insert pissed off face here. I know she was trying to be nice, but I took it as "we don't want to make Melissa mad, whatever makes her happy." News flash: that does not make me happy! You should not be inviting her to things because she is a drunk and an addict who constantly causes drama!! Good Lord! Am I the only one who can see clearly? Off to dinner I went. The husband had said this would most likely be the only family function I would be invited to this year and that I should go. Sad but true. Dinner was fine, we actually all got along and dare I say it? Almost felt normal, but I still had my guard up and still struggle to have any trust for my family. Been hurt too many times. I wanted to try an Alanon meeting this week to see if that would help with the things I have had to deal with lately. But I made some calls and it just mainly deals with alcohol addiction and the 12 step program. I don't think that is what I am looking for? Wish counseling wasn't so expensive!

March 25th is my dads birthday. I am going to go to the cemetery this year to see him, clean the tombstone and take pictures. I thought by now this day wouldn't bother me as much. Ha! Not so. I have forgotten what he looks like, sounds like and smells like. I am forgetting him. That makes this day so much harder. I really miss my dad. I would give anything to see him one more time.

March 27th is my birthday. Out like a lamb right? Lets hope so! I am already anticipating the end of the month. Just want it to be over with. I hope I have a good birthday, but worry no one will remember or care to acknowledge me. Two more years to 30.
Yay! <--- That was sarcastic.

And for my hundreds of readers out there whom are sitting on the edge of their chair waiting to hear an update...the baby making has come to a standstill. I would rather adopt six more cats at this point. Not that I am trying to be negative or give up, just get so frustrated! Why is it so easy for some people? Is it not meant to be? Here I go doubting myself again. It's a never ending cycle I swear. Now that I got these feelings out maybe I can set it all aside and work on being happy? That is the optimist in me ;)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

We were invited to a friends house over the weekend to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, a day when everyone can be Irish! We made some goodies to bring.

My first attempt was Jolly Rancher vodka. It turned out really good! A very sweet taste with a punch at the end. To make all I did was place twelve Jolly Ranchers per glass container of whatever flavor you would like, I chose Cherry, orange and green apple. Fill with vodka {any kind is fine, I got the cheap stuff} and let sit over night, shake periodically. We mixed it with Sprite. Yummy!

To add to the drunken festivities I made Vodka gummy bears. I had heard many people say they have attempted to make these and they did not turn out. I did a ton of research and found that the trick is storing them in a glass container and not plastic, the plastic does something to the alcohol. I got the gummy bears from the dollar store and placed them into a glass bowl {found at Value Village for $2!} filled the bowl with the left over cheap vodka I had from the Jolly Ranchers and placed in the fridge for seven days. The recipe says five days should be just fine though. Every morning I shook the bowl up. They gummy bears swelled pretty big! They were however still a little moist, so I just brought some toothpicks and people really enjoyed them!! At first you do not taste any alcohol, but towards the end of chewing it really starts to burn! Next time I think I am going to try Malibu Rum instead.

And of course I had to make some cupcakes to bring! These were milk chocolate cupcake with Andes mint filling, cream cheese frosting with a Airhead sour rainbow and a Rolo on top. I absolutely loved the filling in these. The friends house we went to was a little warm inside, while the cupcakes sat out the frosting had started to melt and the rainbows and pot of gold fell off. It was a sad thing to watch, we threw away quite a few, at least some of them were eaten!

The party was fun, we ate a lot of green food, played Rock Band and had some good conversations. Was nice to be around new friends, be welcomed in their house and not have any drama for once!

Do I have the cutest husband or what?! Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Birthday dinner

The husbands birthday was yesterday, he had requested burritos for dinner. I wanted to do something a little different than just plain ol burrito night. I found this recipe here Taco Braid and gave it a shot.

First I lined a cookie sheet with pizza dough.
Put all the ingredients {cream cheese, rice, taco meat and cheese} down the middle of the dough.
Cut two inch strips down along side the dough.

Then I braided the two inch strips over the top.

I baked it at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

One of the best dinners I have ever made! We had tortilla chips and sour cream on the side. A-friggin-mazing!

For birthday dessert I made triple chocolate fudge cupcakes with butter cream frosting and a mini Reese's cup on top!

      The best way to a mans heart is through his stomach right? Happy birthday babe!! Love you <3

New cupcake liners!

Found these cute little guys over the weekend!

Went to Hobby Lobby for the first time with the best friend. Seriously, it was what I picture heaven to be like. We definitely have to go back, I felt like we didn't get to see everything. That place was huge! I thought the prices were really good too :)

{The bird liners I found at Safeway, but the polk a dot ones were together in a pack at Hobby Lobby for $1! I need to get some baking done!}

Wall collage

Since we have moved into our house, we have slowly been trying to get things up on the walls and make it look a little more lived in. I found a super cute wedding frame and stuck it in the middle of the wall in our dining room. It has always looked a little lonely, so yet again I turned to Pinterest looking for some ideas to spruce up the wall. Here and there I have picked up some treasures from the antique store in town and scored some picture frames from the thrift stores, although some things needed to be fixed or touched up {what are husbands for...right?} the wall is finally done! I am beyond happy with how it turned out, I cannot wait to add to the wall over time :)

In the middle is the wedding frame that was standing alone.
To the right of that is a vintage door lock that we found from the antique store. I love the rustic look!
The white shadow box was a find from Goodwill, It had a horribly ugly red flower in it, I ripped that out and replaced with a yellow flower found from the craft store. I love hot glue :)
The frame in the top right hand corner was found at the craft store, a 40% off coupon made it even cuter ;)
The skinny black frame was found at Goodwill as well, it can hold a panorma photo, until we take a picture and get it printed I put a piece of chevron scrapbook paper in it and wrote a quote on the outside with a dry erase marker, that way you can change up what it says whenever you want!

The house frame was also found at the antique store, I put a picture of our house while it was in the process being built. To remind us the journey of becoming homeowners.

Also included is the Scrabble frame the husband made me for Valentine's Day, I had him add some color to it, really brightened it up!

The ampersand sign was a prop for my photo shoots, I have used it a lot already and figured it was time to retire it. I thought it would be a neat idea to cover it in moss...not only did the moss really stink but it was a pain to cover the whole thing, I burnt many fingers with hot glue and am still vacuuming up pieces of moss. I should have just used the moss from our yard instead of buying it from the craft store! #lessonlearned

The black frame below the ampersand was bought at Ross for $5.99, some paint was chipped off, but again the husband fixed that. I originally saw this frame at the craft store but it was priced too high, thirty dollars!! I would never pay that for a frame, not matter how cute it was. So glad I found it cheaper.

Lastly is the chalkboard. I found the board at the craft store, painted it white, attached chalk on a twine string and glued on a fabric flower. I am really proud at how this turned out and cannot wait to see the things guests will write on it. This was my first attempt at making a fabric flower. I really like it, however it was a ton of work. Cutting the fabric was the hardest part! I need to find more patience before I make any more. I was thinking fabric flowers on a headband for the niece? Not sure yet.

SO happy with how this project turned out, on to the next!