Family?

Since the falling out with my sister we had not been on speaking terms. We saw each other at family events but that was about it. I still did not have much contact with the boys. I would call and check on them daily and make sure they were doing ok. She would text message me if there was ever a problem with them, other than that we did not talk. I had nothing to say to her. The summer of 2010 (four months before my wedding) she had called and said she was having some child support issues with the boys' dad. She asked if I would write a letter for her stating that I cared for the boys. I told her I would, for the sole fact that I had cared for them, for years! I told her specifically I would write a letter saying I cared for them until the end of 2006, after that is when Ben got in his accident and that is also when we had our falling out. She seemed ok with this. I knew that I had to sleep on this and take some time to think about what I would write. I knew I did not want to hand her something that she could then try to use against me (I did not trust her).

Before I could even wrap my head around what all was going on, I was contacted by the boys' father asking my why I had sent in a letter with false information on it. What the hell?! I told him to please send me the documents so I could look them over and better understand what he was talking about. When the letters arrived in the mail, I saw a childcare worksheet stating that I was a licensed daycare and that I had watched two out of the four boys for the whole year of 2007 and 2008. To the tune of fifteen thousand dollars. Yep, you read that right, $15,000! And it was signed by me. My name was forged and the writing on the paperwork was none other than my sister's. I had never felt so betrayed in my life. I contacted a lawyer and told her what had happened and that my name was forged. She said it would be in my best interest would to contact the court and file for fraud because they could turn me in for tax invasion because I had not claimed the fifteen thousand dollars that "I" said I received. I had also found out that a portion of the boys' child support had included money for childcare for quite some years even though the kids were teenagers now and never attended daycare, they were making my sister be accountable for the child support she was receiving and we believe that is why my name had been forged.

I called my mom to tell her what was happening. All my life my mom has been my number one support system, since my dad died it has just been me and her, we are always there for each other. Her reaction was "Oh, I don't want her to go to jail for this!" Wow, thanks Mom. I then called Rachel to tell her the newest crap my dumb sister was pulling. She told me that she received the same thing and that her name was forged for over twelve thousand dollars! (She also forged one of her old boyfriend's name as well as one of the boys' friends! Four people in total) I could not believe my sister had done this. This is unforgivable! I had a new home I was responsible for, I couldn't have tax invasion put on me! Rachel has a family she has to care for, she cannot have that either! What was she thinking?!? I talked this over with Ben, and we sent off all the information needed to prove that was not my signature and that my name was forged and I was not to be responsible for that money. The next thing I know, I got served papers to attend court regarding this issue. I had to answer some questions and have it put on record. I was not too happy to have to deal with all of this, especially because I was trying to put our wedding together!

August 5, 2010 a week or so before court was supposed to happen I had gotten a text message at eleven at night from one of the boys that my oldest nephew  had gotten into a fight and was at the hospital with a broken nose. I asked if he was ok and they said he needed to have stitches. I thought to myself that sounded weird because why would you need stitches for a broken nose? I started to call the other boys to figure out what was going on. I was told that he was in a fight and they think he had been stabbed. Yet again in my life, my heart sank. This is not my nephew, this is like my child! He is hurt and I am over a half hour away. Was he hurt bad? I couldn't believe what was happening and that I was going through something like this again. My friend drove me to the hospital, my nerves were getting the best of me and I didn't trust myself to drive that far.

When we arrived to the hospital I went straight to the emergency room. You could tell that his nose was broken and he had some scratches on him. I asked what happened and he said he was skateboarding with a friend and three guys came up to them and asked for money, they stole forty dollars and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. They then threw him in some sticker bushes. I asked if he got stabbed and he said "No, my leg just hurts because of the sticker bushes!" I ripped the hospital blanket off of him to see what looked to be three stab wounds on his leg, one on his hip and two others on the top of his leg. I also noticed his leg was abnormally swollen, bigger than I had ever seen it. My sister was in the emergency room too, with, you guessed it, a new boyfriend! She came in and looked at his leg, she went into one of her freak out sessions. I had asked her to please leave and compose herself. She walked out of the room, about ten minutes later, the friend who brought me to the hospital came in and told me she seen my sister and the new boyfriend doing drugs in the parking lot! Figures. The doctor had come in and said that those wounds were definitely stab wounds and that his leg, instead of bleeding out, was keeping all the blood inside and that is why his leg was so swollen. This would require surgery and was very serious.

After I got him calmed down, I left to go home, about three am. All that kept running through my head was "My baby was hurt, someone stabbed him and I wasn't there to protect him!" Surgery was scheduled for noon the next day. Almost thirty people including friends and family came to show him support. My mother, sister and the boys' dad were among some of those who came; awkward! Fortunately everyone put aside all the drama that was going on and just focused on the situation at hand. Surgery was almost two hours long, when the doctor came out to tell us how it went he had said that there were three stab wounds and that one of them had gone all the way to the bone! Because the wounds were so deep he inserted a tube into his leg to keep it open for draining. He had to stay in the hospital for a few days, the day he came home I went over to my sister's house so I could help care for him. I fought back and forth with myself about going over there, in the last four years or so I can count on one hand the times I had went there. I knew I had to put these feelings and fears aside because this was not about the relationship I have with my sister, this was about my nephew and he needed me.

I headed over in the morning, bringing food for all the kids and a Jamba Juice for him. He looked really uncomfortable, his leg seemed to not be as big as it was, but the wounds looked painful. I wanted to keep myself busy so I did not have to deal with my sister. Throughout the day she was in and out of the house, when she would be in the house longer than five minutes, she was drinking. I cleaned the house, did some cooking and folded laundry, helped him with a shower and get situated so he could get through the night without complications. After spending over eight hours there I had got ready to leave so I could go home and get some sleep so I could return the next morning. While walking to my car my sister followed me, she said she wanted to talk. I have been dealing with my sister and her addictions for many years, I have learned to deal with it and try not to let it affect me. This was the first time in my life I was scared, I was terrified of the way she was acting. She was raising her voice and getting in my personal space, telling me everything she didn't like about me and our family, almost everything out of her mouth were lies and half of the time she didn't even make sense. I knew I had to get in my car fast because I couldn't take much more. She said a lot of horrible things to me. "I didn't think you would even come to the hospital!", "Nobody helps me with the kids!". I had so much anger building up I felt like I was going to physically harm her. I got into my car and she threw her hand in my face with her pinky finger sticking out and said "You better pinky promise me that everything is fine between us!". She had lost her ever loving mind.

On my drive home I made a decision right there and then that I would never return to her house. I knew my nephew would be ok and if he wasn't I would come up with a plan B. I cried the whole way home...how did this get so bad? I thought long and hard about everything that had happened. I called the boys' dad and told him to go get his children out of her house, I did not feel like they were safe there, especially with her out of control behavior. He went to her home and was promptly arrested because she called the police on him and he happened to have a warrant out for his arrest. There went plan B! Court was to happen in a couple weeks, the day approached and my nerves were through the rough! The judge and me had talked before hand off the record about everything that was going on, she made me feel like everything would be ok and to just be myself and speak the truth. When it came time for the judge to ask me questions, every time I would answer something, my sister would say "Bull Shit!" She got reprimanded for speaking out of turn. I spoke the truth and did everything I was asked to. Court was over, I was relieved but nervous because I knew there would be repercussions. A few hours later I got a voice message from my sister saying "I am glad all that is over with, I hope there are no hard feelings between us." I vowed to never speak to her again.

My nephew did make a full recovery, he had to walk with a cane for a short while, but now walks without complications, some scarring is all that remains. My sister was held responsible for the child support she had wrongfully been getting and has to pay back that money to the boys' father, whom no longer has to make child support payments to her. However charges have not been pressed for the forging she allegedly did. She has since sold my fathers house (not giving me the chance to gather any belongings of his that still remained there) and has recently married the boyfriend I met at the emergency room. I wish her well in her life as I know that when karma comes knocking on her door she will pay for all the wrong she has done.

I have not spoken to her since October 3, 2010. Now you know why I chose not to invite her to my bridal shower or have anything to do with the wedding. However the consequences of that were the way she treated me during the most special day of my life. I have seen her at three family functions, all of which she made sure to make me feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. Things had gotten so bad that my family is now scared to be on her bad side, they don't want the children held over their head, they struggle every day to appease her and do whatever they can to make her happy.  During the Christmas holidays my mom told me she did not want me to come to her home while the boys were there because it would make my sister mad. My brother did not want me to come to Christmas dinner because they were afraid of upsetting her. I spent the holidays with my husband, by ourselves. My mom did not speak to me for months on end. I have never in my life felt so alone and abandoned. My husband has been there every step of the way, listening to me when I cry, hugging me when I need it and giving me the strength to put this behind me and move on. My mother had some health issues so I tried to regain whatever relationship I could with her, so I could be there in her time of need; after all, she is the only parent I have. As I write this, I don't know where I stand with my family. I don't know if we will ever go back to "normal", and after all this hurt they have put me through, that is not what I think I want anymore.

It has been a long journey, but I am content living my life with my husband by my side. We are our own family!

My sister

*If you or someone you know is suffering from addiction, please get help*

Rachel

I have mentioned her in a few of my posts now. She is an amazing person, inside and out. I could not imagine not having her in my life. I met her when I was two; in my car seat in the back of my parents Pinto. HA! She was my sisters best friend. She always came to our family gatherings, holidays, vacations and birthday parties. I remember her all throughout my childhood, her and my sister were really close. She got pregnant around the same time my sister did not too long after they finished high school. She would come to our house with her pregnant belly and we would talk about how excited we were because she was having a girl! I really liked her and loved when she would bring her kids over. There was an age gap between us, I considered her a family friend, she was my sisters best friend.

Around the time I was taking care of the boys, she started coming over and hanging out with us. We would take the kids to the lake or the park, we would do crafts and bake, have movie night. I really enjoyed the time we were spending together and how much closer we were getting. Because she was coming to my sister's house more often she was beginning to see the changes in my sisters behavior and the lifestyle she was starting to live. Rachel began seeing the drug use, the late night hours and the variety of men that were coming around. We were planning a surprise birthday party for my sister, I had called Rachel so we could go over the details and what not. Soon I found myself calling her more often than not. I started by apologizing for my sister's actions, which I now know it is not my place to apologize for her. We started enjoying our phone conversations, it was nice to have someone understand what I was going through, she understood how crazy my sister's life had turned into and the things I had to deal with. She supported me and would listen to me whenever I needed an ear. We became closer than I ever thought possible.

I had invited Rachel to come along to our ocean vacation, it would be like old times! We all know how that trip turned out, I feel bad to this day that she had to go through that, that her kids had to see the craziness of an addict. I hate that my sister made her feel uncomfortable and not welcome on our vacation, they had been friends for twenty five years or more, it was beyond me why my sister was treating her "best friend" this way. Things really changed after that trip. That is when I feel we formed our friendship the way it is today. Rachel has shown me what a real sister is like. She has given me love more than anyone in my family ever has. She knows everything I have gone through, she was there when my parents divorced and when my dad passed away. She has never judged me or made me feel beneath her, the way my sister has. Rachel was there to guide us on our way to owning a home. She held my hand when I got married. She has guided me through my life and been there every step of the way. I wish every one could have a Rachel in their life. I will forever be grateful for her. I know we did not start out as friends and I know it is really hard for her to have to end her friendship of over twenty years with my sister, but I would go through that all over again just to have this friendship we have built.

I love you Rachel!

Home Sweet Home

We spent the next twenty eight months dealing with the lawsuit. Between depositions, court dates, meetings and paperwork, this proved to be the most daunting thing either one of us had ever been through. Countless times we wanted to throw in the towel, but we kept saying to ourselves, nothing in life is not worth fighting for. We struggled, we fought, screamed and cried; many nights we sat in bed and wondered "Why me?". Finally we saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately at the time of the settlement we both signed a confidentiality agreement, we cannot talk about the outcome or what transpired throughout this time. I can say that the person who caused this pain on Ben will one day have to answer to his maker. I am forever grateful that we chose to file a lawsuit against him so it could be brought to light the horrible things he has done. God have mercy on his soul. I wish we could have put him away forever, or at least make him suffer the way Ben has to everyday, for the rest of his life. I wish I could say more, and I hate to leave you in the dark, but that is how it has to be.


We did reach a settlement which we are proud to say we were able to pay off those horribly expensive medical bills. What a relief that was, we spent many nights stressing out about that. We were now at a point in our lives that we were ready to move on, put this behind us as much as we could. First thing we wanted to do was buy a house! As many of you know, this is one of the most stressful things you will do in your lifetime. At times we were overwhelmed at the thought of buying a house, but with everything we had already been through, we figured we could get through pretty much anything at this point. We met with a realtor and looked at all of our options. I grew up in the city and we both decided we would like to stay close to where we were. If you don't know, Seattle is WAY overpriced in the housing market. Although we the economy has tanked in recent years, when we were looking, houses were still marked high and many were out of our price range. In the city the average price for a home is anywhere from 250-300k, the thing is, that is for an older home (1960ish) and almost every home would need some work in one way or another. Our goal (mainly mine) was to stay in the city, but we were realizing that just might not be an option. We started looking elsewhere, if you went north of Seattle the houses got a lot more reasonable, but took you more and more out of the city. I was willing to give it a try and at least see what was out there and what options we would have. We found some really nice, newer homes and would send them to our realtor. By the time he would get the information and we would meet to go take a look, they would be already sold! These houses were flying of the market faster than you could say SOLD! I think this had a lot to do with Obama, at this time he was giving a first time home owners bonus, so many people were jumping at the opportunity and buying, which made houses go fast. Ben's dream had always been to build a house from the ground up, as much as I would love for him to be able to do this, I knew that too would be out of our price range.


House after house, we never found one that we felt like we could call home. The realtor took us out in his car one weekend and showed us around to some places he thought we might like. He had taken us to a new housing development, I liked the looks of it right away, cul de sac's, kids playing, pretty landscaping, I hadn't even seen a house yet and I was excited! They had a few model homes for us to look at, we found one that we really liked, but was out of our price range yet again. I was loosing hope, maybe we would never be able to afford a house? We got back into the car and headed off to see what else we could find. A couple more houses later, the realtor suggested we go back to the new housing development and talk to someone at the office just to see what they had to say. We went back and talked to someone, we told them that we were in love but that the prices were too high, we told him what our price range was and he said "I happen to have another model home down the street in the price range, let's go see it!" I did not want to get my hopes up but this excited me. When we walked into the house it was the first time we felt like it could be our home! We loved every single thing about it, and we could afford it!!! Ready for the best part?? You watch them build it from the ground up, you pick everything that you would like and get to be apart of the whole process!! We couldn't have asked for anything better. Ben was in seventh heaven!

The building process took almost six months. We picked everything; the carpet, flooring, paint, cupboards, lighting, the roof, front door, sinks, toilets and even the electrical! I am so glad I had Ben to make all those decisions, I had no idea where to start or what to pick, there was so many choices to make! They had a showroom that we could go to and you could see everything set up, you took a computer tablet with you while you walked around and input the options you picked. We went to the site of the house every weekend to see the process, it was neat to see the things you picked on paper and watch them come together right in front of your eyes.

Our house was finally finished and we moved in on Halloween of 2009! We feel so blessed to have built our dream home, when I look around our house I feel so much pride in knowing Ben put his heart and soul into building our home. To date I am still getting use to the area, this is definitely nothing like the city! I miss traffic and rude people! Frogs come into our garage for crying out loud (makes my skin crawl). I know that this was the best for us and I wouldn't change it for the world. Home is where the heart is.

The After Math

Three days after Ben's car accident he was released from the hospital and was able to come home. I set my alarm to go off every four hours to make sure to keep up on his pain meds. Ice packs were our new best friend, plenty of rest and taking it easy would be on our agenda for many weeks to come. At this point we had quite a few people come to us (including the specialist who fixed his arm) and advise us to find an attorney that would represent Ben for his car accident. We didn't understand why we would need a lawyer? We had car insurance, wouldn't they take care of everything? Because so many people were adamant, I called around to see what I could find, before I knew it we had an appointment the very next day to meet with a lawyer that was coming to our home! Ben was still very out of it and did not understand why we were setting up this meeting, to be honest, I didn't understand either but figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some advice.

The lawyer came to meet with us, Ben did not do much talking, as it was taking a lot out of him to even sit at the table and hold a conversation. We were told that in the state of Washington if someone rear ends you, it is their fault. We already knew that it was the other person's fault, because he was driving a commercial truck, this made for a case that was worth fighting. We had no idea what was about to come or how grueling this process would be. We did not pay much attention to what filing a lawsuit entailed as we had other things to worry about. The first couple weeks home we spent going back and forth to the doctor's office. They were checking on his wound as well as his heart rate. His heart rate was still a lot higher than it should be, after maintaining a high heart rate during every doctor's appointment we went to, they figured out that he was having anxiety and that he was working himself up before going to an appointment, so therefore when they checked him, his heart rate would always be higher than normal! It also did not help that every time we had to drive to the doctor's, we would have to drive by the scene of the accident, because it was on the way. The doctor was worried about blood supply going to his arm and told us to watch it for the next six weeks, if there were to be any color change to his arm, we could face amputation. I asked the doctor "What is the worse thing that could happen?" He responded with "He could die." I loved the fact that the doctor was blunt and didn't shoot around the bush, but this was hard to hear and extremely scary!

The six weeks had passed and we did not notice any color change or loss of circulation. They removed the staples and started him with physical therapy. Therapy was really hard for him to endure, very painful, but at least we were getting some movement in his arm; after all they told us he would never use it again. The specialist advised Ben to take six months off of work, he was not even allowed to drive until the three month mark! Unfortunately his place of employment only allowed three months time off of work, for any reason, after that point they could terminate. We could not afford for him to lose his job, we had thousands of dollars worth of medical bills coming in! *Side note- Ben had medical through his job, a few weeks before his accident, we decided to cancel his insurance so we could have some more money to save for the holidays. When they tell you never to cancel your medical because something could happen...they are right! Lesson learned.* The doctor released him to work early so he could stay employed, but told him to take it easy, because he was not healed all the way yet. This was hard for Ben to get back into a car (which we had to hurry and buy one, because obviously his old one was totaled). You are supposed to "Jump back onto the horse after you fall" because he was unable to drive for so many months, it made this process a lot harder for him. Not only did he have to go back to work full time, he had to endure three days a week of physical therapy, he would go to therapy before work, go through all that pain and then have to turn around and put in a fulls day work. How he did this is beyond me, he has truly shown me what a true hero looks like. While he went back to work, I tried to get our home life back to normal as much as I could. Because we filled a lawsuit against the other driver, we were now having to deal with this lawyer every single day of the week. This took many hours and was like a full time job for me. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, but knew I had no other choice but to learn.

During this time, I had a really big decision thrown my way. I knew Ben needed my full undivided attention and help, but what about the boys? How would I have enough time and strength to care for all these people, let alone find time for myself? At the time I felt like there was no way to choose between them, they all mean so much to me. My heart led me to Ben; he needed me just as much as I needed him. I had dedicated so many years to the boys at this point, they were old enough to start caring for themselves. I needed to let go and finally take the step in my life to move on and worry about what was most important, Ben and I. This was very hard but I knew it had to be done. I went to every single physical therpay appointment, packed his lunch and sent him off to work, then turned around and spent six to eight hours a day either on the phone, sending emails or snail mail dealing with this lawsuit.

We did not have very much support from our family and friends. A wise woman once said to me "People are there for you when things are going good in your life, sometimes it's too much for them to be there when things go bad." How sad but true was that. We ended up learning who our true friends were during this time, and whom we wanted to keep in our lives. I was not too happy to be learning this life lesson at the time, but why not get it all done at once, right? To not bore you with all the details, I will fast forward a bit. During physical therapy Ben had been complaining about his arm hurting. We thought this wasn't anything out of the ordinary considering his arm hurts every single day and is expected to for the rest of his life. He continues complaining day after day. The therapist suggested making a doctors appointment and that maybe we should get an xray to make sure everything was ok. Off to the doctor's we went, after the xray the specialist walked in and said "We need to schedule you for an emergency surgery!" Here we go again. He said that Ben's body was rejecting the steel plate and screws and that they needed to come out immediately. We scheduled the surgery for the next week so we could get some things in order and for him to get the time off work. At this point it had been a little over a year since the accident. We were not ready to go through this again, but knew we had no choice.

Recovery was not nearly as bad as the first time around. His bones had healed as best as they were going to, they chose not to replace the plate or screws, but to see how his arm did on its own. He had to be extremely careful with his arm in the mean time!We were afraid of a re-brake and God for bid, another dislocation. He endured yet more rounds of physical therapy, although still painful he was gaining a little bit of movement in his arm, but it was clear it would never go back to the way it was. This was very hard for Ben to come to terms with. We could tell that this whole experience was taking a toll on him, he was in the dumps and I knew getting through each day was a constant struggle. He was eventually diagnose with PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, if you have not heard of this, please take a minute and look it up. Many people suffer from this and it can really take over your life, if you have a loved one or know someone who deals with this on a daily basis, remember to reassure them that they are ok and doing a good job, and that you love them everyday. I remind Ben all the time how lucky I am to still have him here on this beautiful earth with me. I am the lucky one...for I get to live every day amongst a hero.

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
  Christopher Reeve

My First Wedding Shoot!

I shot my first wedding on Saturday! Six hours and 988 pictures later, it was a success! I was nervous about what lens to use, I went with the 18-55 mm, perfect choice! I don't think I would have been able to get half the shots I did had I used a bigger one. Recently bought a diffuser for my flash, it's my new best friend! I think the photos turned out amazing *patting myself on the back* I can't wait for the bride and groom to see them all and give me feedback :]

-Side note- Do not ever shoot a wedding without an assistant.

The Day That Changed My Life

A few weeks had passed since our eventful vacation to the ocean. My sister had cut all communication off with our family and most importantly would not allow the boys to talk to or see us. I tried to just go over to her house to see the kids and check on them, a few blocks before I got there, one of the boys called and said that I shouldn't come over because their mom was going to call the police on me. I could have cared less if she got the cops involved because they would have taken her away way before they did anything to me, but I did not want to cause drama for the kids and put them through that. Because of this, I took a step back and made the decision to distance myself from their home. I still checked on them as often as I could, but this was the hardest thing I had ever had to do in my life. Thus far...

October 23, 2006-
It was a Monday, the sun was out and everything was going normal, just like any other day. Ben (My husband) headed out the door to leave for work, I was on my way to Target to get some Halloween shopping done. As I was on my way to the store, my cellphone rang, I saw that it was Ben calling (It was rare for him to call on his way to work) I answered the phone and there was a lady on the other end. She asked for "Princess" (That is what I am under in his phone, how cute huh?) this made me laugh because it was weird that some lady was calling from his phone and asking for Princess. The next thing she said would be forever engraved into my head, as this was the moment our lives changed forever.

"My name is Gloria, I am a nurse and I am sitting on the side of the freeway with Ben, he has been in a car accident."

My heart stopped. I asked if he was okay and she said that he had hurt his arm really bad but that he was conscious. She then asked if I wanted to talk to him. Ben got on the phone and I asked him if he was okay and what had happened. He was clearly in shock and all he said to me was "Babe, my car flipped over!" He would repeat this over and over and over again. I told him everything was ok and that I was on my way to see him. I had pulled over in the mean time (I was about 10 minutes from home) I have lived in this area my whole entire life. I knew that I needed gas before I drove to see him (He was over a half hour away). All of a sudden I didn't recognize where I was at! I couldn't remember how to get to the local gas station or where the freeway was located! Was I in shock too?? I also did not know which hospital they would be taking him to. I started driving around until something looked familiar to me. As I was driving I had called Washington State Patrol and had asked them if they knew where the ambulance would be taking him. They told me Harbor View (Which is a trauma hospital in our area) I knew this could not be good if they were taking him there. In the mean time I pulled into a gas station and filled up the tank. I had called a friend of mine, who told me that they saw it on the news and it didn't look good. While I was getting gas the paramedic had called me told me they were not taking him to Harbor View, but a different hospital that was closer to where they were. (I later found out that Ben had been telling them to call me!). My house was only a couple minutes from the gas station and I thought that I should stop by to get some clothes and what not because I didn't know how long we would be at the hospital. I jumped out of my car and went to go into the house, to realize I had locked my keys in the car!!

Luckily I had my cell phone on me as I had been talking on it. Feeling like I had no options, I called my sister to see if she could give me a ride to the hospital. She would not answer my call!! I called my mother and my sisters best friend and told them what was going on and that I didn't know what to do. They called and told my sister to answer the phone, which she did, and soon came to pick me up. This was the most awkward car ride I had ever been in! I also did not care what she felt towards me at that time as I had more important things to worry about. On the way to the hospital we had to drive by the scene of the accident. It did not look promising. We arrived to the hospital and I ran to the emergency room. I went to the front desk and asked where he was, they said only friends and family could see him and who I was, I responded with "his girlfriend" (I would later regret this!). They led me to a room he was in. I had prepared myself to expect for him not to look good, for there to be lots of blood, but I was going to be strong! I walked in and saw him, he didn't look bad! He had some dirt all over his face and clothes and he most definitely looked to be in shock and uncomfortable but he didn't look half as bad as I thought. I asked him what had happened and he told me that a eighteen wheeler semi truck had rear ended him and his car flipped over on the freeway! WHAT?!? I had no idea it was that bad! He said that his arm hurt really bad and that he was scared.

The doctor came in and administered pain medicine because his body was going into shock. I overheard them saying that they were going to have to call in a specialist because something was wrong with his arm. They did a CT scan and xrays and now we were just waiting for the results. When they returned with the xray they had said that his humerus bone had a spiral fracture and that his shoulder was dislocated as well as the head of his shoulder was crushed. This would require surgery but they would have to do it in the morning. Meanwhile a police officer had come into the room to check on him, he leaned down and whispered to Ben "You are one lucky guy, someone was watching over you!". They sent him to a room so he could get some rest, the next day was going to be hard on him. My sister headed home and Ben's best friend had came to see how he was doing. While we were visiting, Ben kept saying that he felt something weird in his pants. I helped to remove them to find glass from the windshield in his pants along with a bruise across his stomach the size of a basketball. I knew that he was hurt more than what we had thought.

When the semi hit him, the momentum flipped his car over onto the drivers side and skid down the freeway as the semi truck jackknifed, when the vehicle had fell onto its side the left side of his body took the brunt of the impact crushing his left arm. The bruising came from the steering wheel as well as a metal badge he had on his waist (for work) that had bent in half due to the impact. A man had to pry the door open to get him out, they were worried the car was on fire because there was smoke coming from the air bag being deployed. The nurse who had called me, had sat with him on a guard rail waiting for help to arrive, she went to his car to retrieve his cell phone and that is how she was able to contact me. No one remembers seeing this lady or where she came from. I am thankful he had her by his side, call her an angel if you want or maybe just a case of the right time at the right place, either way we are thankful for her.

The next morning the specialist came in and said the surgery would be starting shortly, this was a necessity, if they did not get this done, his arm might not survive. The doctor told me to wait in the waiting room and that surgery would take around two hours, if it went longer or something were to happen they would come get me. As Ben was getting prepared, the doctor rushed to me and said that I might want to come to the pre-op room because be was in shock and his heart rate was dangerously high, they were worried he might have a heart attack, or worse, not make it through surgery. Right then and there, felt like my whole world had stopped. I had been in a relationship with Ben for six years, I loved him, more than anything. In this moment for the first time in my life, I knew what true love really felt like. I was in love with him and couldn't picture my life without him in it. I went into the pre-op room, there were many people crowded around him, they were hooking him up to machines and his heart rate was sky rocketing. The funny thing is, with all the chaos going on, Ben was so peaceful looking, he didn't look in pain anymore, he just looked tired and wore out. I tried to tell him I loved him but he didn't seem to notice I was in the room. I thought this might be the last time I saw him. I began to sob and the doctor asked me to leave.

During his surgery I knew I had some time to waste. I did not want to sit around and let me nerves get the best of me. They had towed his car to a tow yard that was only a couple miles from the hospital. I headed there so I could bring home his personal belongings. If something did happen to him, I wanted to be able to have this stuff. As I got there, the tow guy came up to me and said he was sorry for my loss, I told him that he was still alive and that he was in surgery! They were astonished that he had survived at all. They took me to his car...my heart stopped. How did he survive this? The trunk was all the way smashed, pushing against the back seat, all the windows and the windshield were shattered, the drivers seat was broken and the air bag had gone off. The drivers door could not open so the tow guy ripped it open for me. I was able to get somethings and put them in a box, but other things were either broken or too hard to get out. It broke my heart to pieces knowing what he must have gone through.

I headed back to the hospital. Five and a half hours later his surgery was done. The doctor came to the waiting room and told me that it had not gone well. His shoulder was dislocated so bad that it took two full grown men over two hours to put it back into place, they had to put a steel plate and screws into his arm to hold it together and that they believed he would no longer be able to use his arm. We would be lucky if the arm survived. At this point I just wanted them to take his arm off! I just wanted him to be okay, we can live without an arm! I can't live without him! The doctor also told me that Ben did not know the extent of his injuries, they were afraid it would be too much for him to hear at the time. After he recovered I got to see him, he looked better, but in a ton of pain. I was told that I could not stay in the room with him over night because we were not married. You have got to be kidding me! I wish I would have just lied and said I was his wife when I arrived at the hospital. They allowed me to stay until midnight and that I could come back at 6am. I grabbed a blanket and slept on the floor next to a soda machine to kill time until I could go back. I felt so bad that I could not be there by his side, I felt helpless. He had a rough night, but they were going to let him go home the next afternoon. Before we got checked out, they unwrapped his arm to instruct me how to care for it. Nineteen staples were holding his incision together. This shocked him that his wound was so big, he did not take this well, it was sinking in what had happened to him. We headed home, I wanted more than anything to get things back to "normal" I realized that there was no "normal" anymore and that we would have to make a new life for ourselves. I wish I would have known that this journey was going to be the most daunting, exhausting, emotionally stressful thing either one of us were ever going to have to go through...