November is a month where many people list the things that they are thankful for. You know, those annoying friends on Facebook that write something they are thankful for every-single-day. Rubbish! I unsubscribed from their news feed :) Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for things. My husband, having a roof over our head, clothes on our back and food in our mouths. But I find it easier to pin point the things that I am not thankful for. I will chalk it up to the holiday blues. I love everything about the holidays, but find myself being in a funk.
Everything and everyone seems to be pushing my buttons. I extend myself to the limits making sure that everyone is taken care of and happy. I do this to the extent that I don't care if I am ok, if the house is taken care of or if the husband comes first. I HAVE to do for others all the time. Well it hit me a few weeks ago, that not only is that a horrible way of doing things, but I will no longer extend myself to those limits. People that I would give the world, I realize would have a hard time giving me the world in return. I know that friendship is about giving, not taking. But it is not healthy to always be giving and getting nothing in return, convenient friendships are hurtful. I thought I had already learned this life lesson. I guess sometimes you have to get a friendly reminder.
I have been on the go busy every day for the last few months. Insert whine here. I know everyone else is tired, busy, irritated blah blah blah. But dammit, I try not to complain and this time I want to! For five months now I have been working from home writing articles as an independent contractor. I can make pretty good money and work on my own time. I can still be in the comfort of my home, cleaning and putting a warm meal on the table every night, but can now contribute financially. I have never felt so proud seeing money being deposited in the bank and knowing that I worked hard for it. The only problem is that I feel like I have to "fit it" working, instead of making it a priority. If that makes any sense. People do not understand that this is my part time job now and that I do not just sit around all day knitting and watching the Maury show. I have to delegate time to working, give myself breaks and when I am done, THEN I can take care of the house and other things that need to be done. Why am I struggling to find a balance? I was so happy to be able to have a slow couple of weeks this month. Enjoy getting ready for the holidays and spend time enjoying my husband while he gets two days off (he hasn't had a week day off in over a year!). Instead, things get put on my plate and I find myself with not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything on my to do list. I need some down time, and sooner rather than later.
Those close to me have been saying things that surprise me or hurt my feelings. I don't think they even notice. I was originally going to list the things that have bothered me, but that would be tedious. I just want to shake others so that they realize how stupid they are being! Is common sense something of the past? UGH! I thought that writing all this down would release some of the thoughts that I have stuck in my head, instead I am finding myself pressing harder on the keyboard keys. I am ready for the new year to be here. I just want to be happy, can Santa put that in my stocking?
Speaking of Santa, after spending countless hours doing crafts these past few weekends (post coming soon) we decided to take a break and do something fun to enjoy the upcoming holiday!
Isn't my husband the cutest? He always finds a way to cheer my up and put a smile on my face. I would be lost without him! I mean, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times that I would like to physically harm him. But more than not, I love cuddling with him and spending time together. Isn't that the definition of marriage? We have been having arguments here and there about some aspects of our life. I have to remember that arguments are just that. We need to communicate without saying mean things, we need to be reading the same page and not just the same chapter. I don't ever like going to bed angry. I remind myself that we are in this together and that there are going to be times that we might not agree. I would not want to have anyone else by my side taking this crazy ride with me that we call life. I love him more than anything and know that even when we have little bumps to get over, that we can do it together.
I wish someone would have told me when I was little, that life would be this hard. But maybe if I knew that, would I be where I am today? We all have to live and learn. I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned thus far and cannot wait to see what the future has in store for me. I am glad that I decided to write this all down so that I can move forward and get ready for the holidays! Trying to put things behind me and leave the past where it belongs.
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