I had originally started this blog just a few days after my grandfather's funeral. All I wrote was the top sentence and it has been sitting dormant ever since. For whatever reason, I have not had the passion to write. One possibility could be that considering I write everyday for a living, the last thing I was to do is write for personal reasons. Another reason could be that I am not fond of tackling my feelings at this time. I do not have any followers, so it is not my need of pleasing others to write. But I know that it is good for me to get things off my chest and this is the best way I know how.
Please bare with me these next few weeks with random blogs as I try to catch up, considering I have not written in over two months.
I sometimes fear that if I were to speak everything that were on my mind, someone would have me admitted. The anger and hurt that is deep inside of me can sometimes be debilitating. I am finding more and more that those whom I thought I knew, are turning out to be the people that I no longer want to associate with. It really is sad to see how easily people can change when life throws them curve balls. Both the husband and I have been through our fair share of trials throughout our lives and yet we strive in remaining the genuine people that we are. How is that so hard for others? Whether it be money, relationships, deaths or change in general...never does it fail to change a person and their morals.
I find myself distancing more and more from those around me. I am tired of the hurt and the disgust that I get from watching as I see ugliness come out of people. I am by no means going to sit here and whine about my life when there is far more serious things that other people are going through. Everyone needs to take a step back and reevaluate their lives. What is important to you? When is the last time that you did something nice for someone else? Are you living life too fast? Slow down and enjoy this little time that we have.
I struggle daily to be the best person that I can be. I need to remind myself that I cannot change other people. I need to change within myself the things that I am not happy with. I need to live MY life the way I want and not worry about others. Everything will either fall into place or it will fall apart so that something better can come together. I will have faith that this life was given to me for a reason. I write this so that when I feel as though everything is falling apart and all I can see is the negative, that it is not worth taking up all this space in my mind. I want to remember that there was a day when I felt strong as though I could conquer the world.
I no longer care that we do not have a lot of money in the bank. We proudly pay our bills every month without late fees or debt. That is something that many people struggle to do. We have dinner on the table every night and both have clothes on our back. When it feels as though our family or friends have failed us, we still have each other. When we disagree and argue, it is because we are both passionate about whichever subject may be spoken of. When I feel ugly, I know that even though I feel that on the outside, my inside is beautiful and that is what matters most. When people disappoint me, I need to remember that they are probably more disappointed in themselves than I am. When I feel as though others are making bad decisions, I have to know that it isn't my problem...they too will learn. When others make me less of a priority, know that it is truly their loss, they are missing out on having me in their lives. When I feel broken and as though I have no where to belong...remember that I am here today because I am strong.
It's all going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but one day.
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