Feeling lost

I have a lot of unanswered questions, my mind races every waking moment and I feel as though I am fighting a battle with myself. In life you make choices, along with those choices come consequences. It has been a little over one month since ending some friendships. I knew this process would not be easy, but I had no clue I would feel so much doubt and concern. We were in a wedding this last weekend, some of these friends that we had distance ourselves from had shown up to show their support for the couple. You could feel the glares coming my way, feeling like it was ripping through my skin and tearing me apart. I am forever grateful they did not hurt me with words, but the awkwardness and blatantly making us feel uncomfortable was harder for me to deal with that I had thought. Why do I let it bother me so? I was extremely proud of myself of how strong I was, keeping a smile on my face the whole time, even though inside I was crumbling. I was able to keep my cool and try my hardest not to let too many things bother me. I think I did an outstanding job. When the night had come and it was time for us to leave...everything hit my like a ton of bricks. It was very unsettling to have people dissect you with their eyes, people whom you have been friends with for over a decade! Did they not try to talk to us because they have no regard for our friendship {or lack there of}, or were they scared to say anything to us? Does it really matter to me at all what the answer to that question is? Maybe this is all weighing heavy on my mind because we just saw them and now the wound is freshly opened, maybe as time goes on I will have the tools to yet again brush this aside, put it in my past and move on. Right now I just feel as though the speed bumps are slowing me down and all I want to do is continue down the road to find myself.