Weight loss

What a hard journey this has been! When I first thought of writing this blog, I was hesitant on sharing my actual weight, then I figured...why not?? I have nothing to hide! Loosing weight has been really hard for me, I want to be honest with myself and whoever reads this. My whole life I have been over weight. Growing up just me and my mom, we were always on the go and fast food was easy and quick, we ate out a lot. We started rewarding ourselves with food, good grades...out to dinner, helping around the house...out to dinner, pay day...out to dinner. Then it turned into feeding our feelings, being sad...out to dinner, need cheering up? Lets go to your favorite restaurant! I got teased a lot in school. In fourth grade I went through a lot of changes, that's when I found out my dad had cancer, my mom started dating, my sister had a toddler and moved in with us while her boyfriend was on house arrest and top it off my nanny of nine years decided to not want to watch me anymore so I had to switch schools. Needless to say I had a lot going on and it was hard for me to process, I always felt comfort with food. Switching schools was horrible, during lunch we would eat at our desk in the classroom, girls would move their desks around mine and oink while I ate. Bullying about my weight lasted all the way through high school, I would get food thrown on me while sitting on the bus, when I started driving I would go to the parking lot to see food thrown all over my car. I would walk down the hallways and guys would yell "earthquake!!" it was never ending.

In high school my weight got up to 220, I thought I was HUGE! {Well, I was, but not as big as I ended up getting.} I started dating my soon to be husband during my junior year, as our relationship went on, I think I had gotten comfortable and started to pack on the pounds. I always put my weight on the back burner and tried not to weigh myself for fear of what the number would be. I would guess what the number might be but one day that hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. My friends son was having a birthday party at a hotel {2008}, as him and his friends were swimming, we went into the work out room. I decided to weigh myself, I was hoping for 280, but though I was somewhere close to 300. I stepped on the scale....315!!! I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. How did I let myself go like this?! I didn't think I was that big. Right then and there I told myself I was going to try and loose weight for the first time in my life. I got on the closest exercise machine I could find.

Not too long after the Wii Fit had came out. I begged the husband to go buy it for me. When he brought it home I stepped right on the Wii Fit board, as my little Mii ballooned up the TV said out load "YOU ARE OBESE"! I called the husband at work in tears telling him this was the most horrible thing we had ever bought and that I was going to attempt to flush it down the toilet. Of course he responded with how beautiful I was and that he loved me no matter what...blah blah blah! It called me OBESE! There was nothing he could say to make it better. I worked out on the thing so hard! Every single day I would tackle it and challenge myself more and more. The weight came off very slowly, one to two pounds every couple weeks. But I had not changed how I was eating. I would work out and sweat to death and then get something to eat when I was done. This battle continued on for quite some time. When we moved into our new house {a two story}I thought I was going to die every time I walked up and down the stairs, if we had a shower downstairs I swear to you that I would have slept down there. Our wedding was coming up and I really wanted to make a better effort in watching my weight, by the time our wedding came I had gotten out of the 300's! I thought I would never get there, I felt so pretty and was really proud of myself. {Probably from all those damn stairs!}

The husband and I decided to start slowly watching what we eat, we barley eat out anymore, maybe once on the weekend and that is it, homemade meals every day of the week {we used to go out multiple times a week} We no longer eat white rice or bread, I only drink diet soda and have added a ton more water to my daily intake. I watch my calories and try to stay away from high fructose corn syrup. I was doing water Zumba with my friend once a week until my back thought that wasn't a good idea anymore. Our mailbox is kind of far from our house in one of those locked up community boxes. Road trip is a fifteen minute walk, I try to walk there as often as I can weather permitting. The sun has just started coming out and I can't wait to start walking again! Still a little cold and breezy, thanks Seattle. Throughout this whole journey I have almost lost 50 lbs! I still enjoy my food, but don't go crazy with it, I try to be more active without over doing myself. I have three more pounds to get to my fifty mark. That is my goal for the summer! Although the weight is coming off a lot slower than I would like, they key is that I am changing my life, not just dieting and I am keeping it off! Ever since I started this process the most I have gained back is maybe two to three pounds. That is an accomplishment if you ask me! *patting self on back* Once I reach my fifty goal I would love to loose another forty five to get back to my high school weight. How sad that I thought that was so HUGE, and now I would give anything to be back to that weight... I do not wish to be skinny, just healthy and happy. 200 would be ideal! One-step-at-a-time. Trust me when I say if I can do it, you can do it!

Last time I weighed myself I was 268, only three more to go to reach my first goal! Maybe I should stop making so many cupcakes ;) Someone has to taste test them, right?