Missing Dad

You would think after all of these years that it would be easier and I wouldn't miss him as much. Sometimes Most of the time it feels as though he just left yesterday. I have so much I want to talk to him about, I want to hear his voice one more time, have that shoulder to lean on and most importantly to feel that unconditional love again.

Here is a letter he wrote me. I look at it often, I love seeing his handwriting and picturing him sitting at his desk writing me this letter with a smile on his face.

Dearest Melissa,

I love you and miss you. Do you want to go to the park some day soon? Maybe you would like to help plant some flowers in the flower boxes.

How is school? I'm glad spring is coming and the sun is shining a lot. I can't hardly wait to go fishing in the lake and feed ducks. Call me when ever you want to.

Love Daddy

Every time I read this the tears stream down my face. I am so angry he is gone. I want him to be a part of my life, he has missed so much. I know his passing has made me strong and has shown me that I can indeed get through hard things. But damnit, I would rather have him here than to have had learned those hard life lessons.

As soon as the house was done being built that he and my mother had designed and moved into, he had bought these birds and hung them above the fire place. They are not the prettiest things ever, they scream the 80's and weigh about 20 pounds, but they sure do mean a lot to me. The husband hung them on the wall in the stair case. Every morning when I wake up and walk downstairs I shoot a smile to them.

As time has gone by I slowly am forgetting his voice and his smile. Memories I have of him seem like a lifetime ago. I constantly ask myself if he is watching over me and if I make him proud. Loosing a parent is a hurt that you will never understand until you have gone through it yourself, I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. Cherish your parents, because even though my dad sits on a shelf now, in my heart is where he really lays to rest. Forever and always...