Mother's Day

For a number of different reasons, I hold a lot of resentment towards my mother. I am angry at her for the choices she made when I was a child and how she chooses to treat me as an adult. This past Mother's Day, I felt as though I should push those feelings aside and go out of my way to show her a good day. I spent more than my means in order to get her some gifts that she had been wanting. The husband and I took her to her favorite restaurant. Although we had a nice visit, it did not feel relaxed and natural. Somewhere throughout the years I have lost the mother that I once idolized. Truth be told, I think she is lost herself. I left our dinner date feeling empty and confused. Did she still have unconditional love for me? Why does she place my siblings on such a high pedestal? The drive home gave me some time to ponder these questions. That is until I looked over at my husband and saw a concerned look on his face. With a simple "What's wrong babe?" question, he lashed out in anger. We have been together for thirteen years, his mother had passed just a few short months before we met. Mother's Day has always been a sore subject for him, understandably. Over the years he has been great about spending the day with my mom and showering her with presents. This was the first year that he had voiced how hard it was for him to sit at that dinner table as I interact with my mother on this very hard holiday. My heart filled with sorrow. And anger.

I felt sad that we were unable to spend the day with his mother. I felt bad  that I did not stop for a minute and think how he must have felt as we wrapped presents in pretty Mother's Day wrap and treated her to dinner. I felt angry because I felt he didn't understand the importance of me reaching out to my mom on this special day. After my dad passed, she was all I had. Even if failing, I had to try my hardest at trying to mend whatever relationship we might have left. I wanted him to understand where I was coming from. But, I also needed to remember where he was coming from. This may be an issue that we never are able to see eye to eye and I need to accept that. Maybe one day when/if we have our own children, Father's Day and Mother's Day will once again be a holiday that we can celebrate with joy instead of sorrow.

Two year mark

Time sure does seem to fly by. It has been two years since severing ties with a group of friends whom caused nothing but negativity and drama in our lives. I think was still hurts me the most is knowing that in those two years, not one person has reached out to us or shown interest in wanting to mend our friendship. Ouch. I guess I should not have expected any less. The husband had been friends with these people for 20 plus years. I had known them for over ten. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would ever walk away from such history and memories. Something changed in me when we got married. I realized how important a marriage is and found it hard to be around people who had such disregard for their vows. I no longer wanted negative people around me as I was going through some tough times in my life and desperately needed  some positivity.

Don't get me wrong...it still hurts more times than not. I miss the fun times that we did have together. I miss being around the kids and being able to watch them grow. However, I do not miss the drama! I cannot find the words to explain how nice it is to no longer have to worry about what is being said behind my back. I still get anxious around town, worried that I will run into them and it being awkward. I wish that they cared more about us not being in the picture. Instead, I feel as though they washed their hands in relief.

There is something about the two year mark that feels invigorating. To think that I have gone two whole years with my feet on the ground, holding true to myself. That is an accomplishment that I never thought I was strong enough to withstand. I figured by now that I would have caved, or reached out in desperation. The two year mark after severing ties with my sister, was a milestone and felt amazing. I was happy to find that the two year mark regarding my friends, would come with the same refreshing feeling. It will be interesting to approach the four year marks and revisit my feelings. I am hoping to have grown more as an individual and be more comfortable in my own skin. I have come a long way these last couple of years and am anxious to see what the future holds.

First barbecue of the season!

Again, still playing catch up.

May fourth we headed over to the best friends house for our first barbecue of the year. The weather was unusually warm and we could not pass up the chance to stuff our faces and enjoy each other's company.  For our contribution, we put together a bucket full of goodies to make s'mores. Besides the usual marshmallows, crackers and chocolate bars, we also threw in some Reese's cups and York peppermint patties.  It is fun to experiment with different ingredients while making s'mores. We enjoyed a great spread of food and sat around the fire until late into the night. Going over to her house is one of our favorite things to do. Can't wait to spend our summer over there!

This was the geeky husband wearing a Star Wars shirts on this day to commemorate "May the  fourth be with you.". HA!

Our bucket full of s'mores goodies

My favorite part of the evening. I could literally eat my weight in marshmallows.  By the way, see those extendable s'more pokers? I found those in the dollar section at Target. Score! 

Zoo Trip

The best friend's family had come to town and invited me to tag along for a trip to the zoo. I had not been to the zoo in over four years and was excited to see the new exhibits. I was nervous about doing too much walking and irritating my back. I made sure to wear some good shoes and pack some Advil. I also made sure to bring along my camera, considering that it had been eight months since I had used it! I feel as though my cell phone takes great photos and is more convenient than lugging around the big camera. I need to get better at using it more often! The first few clicks, I felt like a beginner all over again.

There were not as many animals out as we had hoped. I think it was because we went so early in the morning? My favorite part was listening to the best friend's brother make animal noises. At every single exhibit. There was a time or two that many zoo goers as well as animals gave him a funny look. His four year old son had a great time reading the map and leading us in the "right" direction. He kept telling me that the dolphins and polar bears were his favorite. None of which we actually  have at the zoo.

This is the famous Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle. It is over 65 acres of land, which equals out to around one million miles in walking distance? We started at the South parking lot and made it all the way to the bears. We then looped around and only managed to skip the petting zoo and bug exhibit. Which was fine with me! Yuck! 

Towards the end of the trip, my feet were starting to throb but luckily my back was holding out pretty well. We saw roughly 90% of the zoo, but skipped a few at the end so that we could hurry back to the car. We were all tired/hungry and tired of walking! Afterwards, we headed to a local fish & chips called Spuds, they have been around for over 70 years! I contemplated drinking the tartar sauce. Fish & chips are my weakness. Excuse me as I did not take any photos during our lunch, I was busy stuffing my face. I had an amazing day with everyone. Memories that I will keep for a lifetime.

This little fella was roaming around freely. He was sure pretty, but had quite the attitude! 

This lady was being transferred from the holding facility to the open fields. She walked right in front of us, just a few feet away. She is also pregnant! It was amazing to see such a large animal within reaching distance. The baby inside her belly had to be the same size as me!

Rawr! 

Cocoa Puffs Muffins

Sometimes I am amazed at the wonderful things that I can find at the dollar store. My recent score was a box of Cocoa Puffs Muffin Mix! The box did not make many muffins, but they were easy to make and tasted great! My favorite part was the crunchy cereal that was sprinkled on top. Can't beat making a yummy dessert for only one dollar!

Snowball

It has been almost two years since we adopted the fur babies.  Sarah has proven to be the dominate cats and acts like she runs the house. She has recently taken a liking to eating sock lint and glares at us if we do not give her enough attention. Snowball on the other hand, has had a lot of issues since we have had her. She is constantly sneezing and starts to weez if she gets too excited or over works herself. In the past two years, there have been a couple times that she has had an eye infection. Her eye swells shut and sometimes leaks a yellowish fluid. Within a couple days to a week or so, the eye infection clears on its own and she is back to being herself.

Not long ago, we noticed that her eye happened to look infected again. Rapidly, she stopped eating and was hiding under furniture. We figured that the infection would go away on its own like times past. Over a week went by and we started to worry that something was seriously wrong. We started administering eye drops and trying to hand feed her in hopes that it would help.

The left side was taken at the beginning stages of the eye infection. The right side is a few days after administering the drops. 

It took two weeks worth of giving her eye drops three times per day before we noticed a difference. The swelling in her eye had gone away, but the eyeball itself was clouded over. She started eating again and not hiding as often. At first we could notice that she was having a hard time with her depth perception. 

This was taken one week after we were done with the eye drops. This is when we noticed that there was some vision loss. 

It has since been a little over two months since this happened. She is back to eating normally and no longer hides under the furniture. Her eye is not as cloudy, but we are certain that there is still some vision problems in that eye.

This is the most current picture of her. As you can tell, she has gotten her energy back. It is hard to get her to sit still so that I can take a photo! 

I never knew that my heart would grow so big for these furry animals. It physically hurt my heart to watch her suffer. Considering that we adopted them when they were older, I am now realizing that we are not going to have much time left with them. As much as I hate cleaning up their puke and constantly trying to rid the house of cat hair, I don't know how I will ever be able to live without them. I am certain that I have turned into a crazy cat lady. I even talk to them as if they are human. To all my fellow cat owners, go snuggle your fur baby even if they are being grouchy! Life is short.